We Need To Talk
by Caskettastic
Summary: Post- Watershed fiction. Picks up after Beckett calls Castle up and says "We need to talk"
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Castle  
>AN: Thank you CaskettFreak101 for editing this for me! you're amazing! 3<p>

* * *

><p>Chapter 1<p>

"We need to talk"  
>"Yeah, we do..."<br>"Can I come over?"  
>"Yeah. Yeah. I'll be waiting"<p>

Kate Beckett drove on over to the loft. She had tried to stop her mind from rehearsing what she had planned on telling him today- she just didn't want to think. But now, as she stood at his door, she couldn't find the strength to move- she couldn't find it in her to make a move. She had made her decision and she knew she'd be leaving in a little while.

She raised her hand and knocked. Castle didn't take long to open his front door.

The Rick Castle she saw before her was not the one she had come to know and love. Gone was the love and admiration she was used to, his eyes only held a look of pure hurt and anger. His features were cold. He stepped aside to let her enter and then closed the door behind them. She took a few steps in and then turned to face him.

"What did you want to talk about?" he asked, cutting right to the chase.

"Castle, I'm sorry. I- I shouldn't have kept secrets"

"You're damn right, you shouldn't have kept secrets. We've been through this before, Kate."

Kate knew all too well what he was talking about.

"Castle..."

"No Kate. I've waited four years for you to finally let me in and just when I think we're doing great, you show me that I still hold no place in your life. "

"Castle, that's not…"

"Moving to another city is huge. And when you have a partner, when you're in a relationship, my opinion is to be taken into consideration too! You didn't even think of mentioning it to me. And that hurt Kate! I really thought we were moving forward together, but, clearly, I was wrong."

"Castle, I know I should have told you, but it wasn't a sure thing at the time. It was just an interview. Please you have to understand, I didn't even know if I would get the job then... "

Castle turned away from her and walked into his study Running his hand through his hair in frustration, he sighed. Kate followed him and just waited, watching him stare blankly away from her. She took another step towards him.

"Castle, I came here to apologize and I- "

"Well you've done that, now haven't you?"

"Rick, let me finish. I got a call from them today. "

Castle turned to face her then. She could tell from his expression that he was curious, but she already knew by his sulking body that he had already given up, like he already knew what was coming.

"I, uh, I got the job. It's my decision now."

Castle remained still. She took another step, closer, trying to lessen the distance between them. She cleared her throat.

"I've decided Castle. I'm taking the job"

Castle chuckled. It was unexpected. And his reaction scared her. He picked up the bottle of scotch that was on his desk and poured himself a glass...

"Well then I'll just have to move to D.C. with you."

Kate took a deep breath.. Now was the hardest part. Her heart clenched tightly.

"No, you're not moving with me Castle. "

Castle had just taken a sip of his scotch. Suddenly, the burn he felt in his throat as he swallowed, felt like the exact opposite of soothing.

He turned to look at her again. She had stepped closer and her arms were folded across her chest, making sure her message was loud and clear. She wasn't going to back down on this one.

"I'm sorry, what did you just say?"

"I said, you're not coming to D.C. with me"

"There! There it is again! You make these decisions by yourself as if I don't even exist"

Castle was losing all control over his anger. He stepped forward and continued

"How do you suppose we do this Kate? If you're in D.C., and I'm in New York. What's your plan? Do you even have a plan?" he challenged.

"Castle, I think we need to take a break."

Kate's heart was tied in a painful knot. Castle's face showed his every emotion. Seeing the amount of pain she was putting him through was killing her. But she had decided. It was better this way.

"What?"

"We should stay away for a while, just for a while, so that…"

He didn't let her finish.

"Kate, are you dumping me? Cause it sure as hell sounds like it."

"We're not breaking up Castle, I just need a break. I think we should take a break, just until… "

"And what in the hell is that supposed to mean, huh?"

Castle couldn't hold it in anymore. He turned around, picked the bottle of scotch and threw it at the wall in frustration.

"CASTLE!" Kate gasped. This was a side to Rick Castle that she had never seen before, and it scared her.

"Four years! Do you even know what it's like to wait four years for the woman you love? Then you have her for just one beautiful year and suddenly she needs a break? She can't take you anymore? Do you know what that's like, Kate? Do you?"

His voice was loud, booming in her ears, dripping with hurt and angst. Tears brimmed at her eyes, threatening to spill over.

"Rick... I...That's not…"

"No. Just leave Kate. You don't want to see me again, so just leave. I'm done." he said, firmly.

"Castle, please just listen to me. I still love you, I do. I just... This job is going to be tough, hectic and I, I'll need to adjust well to it. I'll need to settle and I don't want you to feel obligated to..."

"So what you're saying is that, I being there would stop you from doing your job?"

He didn't let her say a thing. "Yeah, you know what, you're right. Go. Go to D.C. Start your new life. Just leave me here. Wouldn't want to be a burden on Detective Kate Beckett, now would I? Or is it Agent now?"

"Castle, I'm not breaking up with you."

"You might as well. Because that's what it feels like and that's what's eventually going to happen. "

"Castle…" she pleaded, tears streaming down her face.

"I can't do this right now, Kate. Please... I need to be alone, and you need to leave."

Kate's tears were rolling freely down her cheeks, there was no stopping them now. She had known that this would hurt, but she didn't expect the heartache to be so severe, for it to nearly kill her.

"Don't bother calling me either. I can't do this anymore. Just go where you have to go – you always do anyway. Just like you did that day you had the interview."

And with that, Castle walked into his bedroom and slammed the door. All Kate could do was stare blankly after him. The storm that was building inside her could not be contained, the despair she felt wouldn't go away. She should have known it would end this way- she had practically asked for it by shutting him out.

She deserved this for not treating him right, she knew that. She left the loft with her decision made. But her life itself had just been destroyed. Rick Castle, the love of her life, hated her…


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle**

**AN: Thanks guys for all the alerts and reviews. I really appreciate that you took time to leave me your opinions and feedback on the story :)**

**Thank you CaskettFreak101 for your awesome work :) love you :* **

* * *

><p>Chapter 2<p>

Castle couldn't feel anything. His heart felt like it had just been trampled upon . Kate didn't want him anymore, and that fact itself was causing him to lose his senses completely.

He shut his bedroom door, putting up a more physical barrier between them now. He waited until he heard the front door close. He heard soft whimpers, and it pained him, but not as much as when she told him she didn't want him to be a part of her new life. Kate was crying. Although his heart told him to be the bigger person here, he refused! He was tired of always being the bigger person in their relationship. He was done.

After a long while, he heard retreating footsteps and it wasn't until then that he was sure she had left. What did she expect? For him to just kiss her goodbye and watch her leave? Yeah, well she was being delusional.

He wasn't going to be the bigger person this time. She had done him wrong, she's the reason his heart was completely numb and he was in no way going to make it easy for her to leave. If she wanted to go start a new life without him, he wasn't going to let her think he was okay with it!

It's time he began looking out for his own heart since she clearly didn't want to look after it anymore.

Castle took his shirt off, stripped out of every other piece of clothing and walked into his shower. He turned the tap open and the shower heads sprayed out the scalding hot water. As he stood there under the gushing shower, he remembered all the exciting mornings that he had shared with Kate. Would she really leave without him? Would she really not care what would become of him?

Kate drove home feeling completely broken. The minute she was in her apartment, behind her door, away from the scrutinizing eyes of the world, she slid down against the door and broke down. Sobbing and choking, she shook with the impact of the pain that was running through her veins.

She had gone to the loft with the intention of apologizing to him, and telling him that she wanted to get settled by herself there for a few months. She thought that maybe after she was settled, they could talk about him moving to D.C. She needed the time alone, not just to get used to the new job, but to sort out her doubts and insecurities about them.

Everything that had been happening lately, it had all just scared her. She had begun to feel that Castle was taking her for granted, that he was bored of her. Eventually, her insecurities began to get the better of her, leading her to almost kiss another man, a man that Castle envied. And Castle being the loving man she knew, didn't even hold it against her. But, it didn't make her feel any more secure when he totally avoided the question about where they were going.

So she really didn't know what to think anymore. Her mind felt clustered with thoughts about her love life and her work life, and she just needed an escape from atleast one of them. Maybe that way, she would be able to figure out the other. So here she was, once again, running away from love. Once again, she had chosen to hide behind her work, and leave Castle here.

She never wanted Castle to feel obligated to move with her to DC, just cause of her job. Him moving, it wasn't as easy as he thought. She knew that. She knew he would have to leave his home, leave Martha and Alexis, leave his friends and poker buddies and contacts. New York was his home! And Kate didn't want him to just rush into things without thinking because of her job.

She didn't want to be the reason Alexis wouldn't have her dad to come home to when she's home sick. She didn't want to be just another Will Sorenson and expect Castle to pack his bags and move wherever her job required her to go.

She asked that they take a break and most relationships usually go downhill from there. She knew that. And right enough, Castle was hurt that she would even suggest it. Now he wanted nothing to do with her. The little hope that she had, that maybe in a few months when her life was sorted out, they could get back together, talk about moving in together, all of those hopes had come crashing down tonight.

Kate had known that this would hurt, but she never thought he'd hate her so much. She should've seen it coming though.

"How long have I made the man wait for me already? He waited four years for me, and here I am again, shutting him out because of my insecurities." she thought.

Kate's phone began to ring. She wiped at her tears and cleared her throat. Gone was any evidence that she had let her guard down, her mask was back. It was the Attorney General's office, and it was official. She would start next week.

Kate took a long slow breath. It was painful, but she had to get on with this. She still had to inform her boys and Lanie. All of them would hate her for leaving, but they would come around, hopefully. Castle was her only worry.

The next evening, Kate was filling out some papers that she had to hand in to Gates. She had gone to see Lanie and had told her that she had taken the job offer. Lanie was glad for her. Of course, she hated that Kate had to go but she wished her all the best. They agreed to still try and meet up for drinks They'd make it work. She wasn't about to lose her best friend just because she had to alternate between two cities.

After meeting Lanie, Kate broke it to Ryan and Esposito. Neither of them were happy about it, but Esposito seemed more upset than Ryan. He was, after all, like Kate's protective elder brother.

What didn't surprise Kate was their concern for how Castle took the news. Kate's eyes got moist at the mention of her lover's (well, now ex-lover's) name. She tried to blink the tears away, but the boys saw right through her.

"We'll take care of your boy for you, Beckett. Don't worry about him"

"I wish my worries were as simple as that, Espo." she admitted to them. "He won't talk to me. I may have suggested that we take a break in our relationship for a while and he thought I was breaking up with him. He was really upset and I think I really ruined it this time. He asked me to leave and I don't think he wants to see me ever again."

Ryan and Espo shared a look. After a few moments, Espo nodded. Ryan cleared his throat.

"Uh. Javi and I were walking down 23rd street yesterday. And well, we saw Castle leaving Tiffany's. Of course, we got curious and used the badge to find out from the owner what he came to buy."

Espo spoke, interrupting Ryan mid-story.

"He bought an engagement ring Kate. I think he was planning on proposing"

That news hit Kate straight in the gut! She didn't wait longer at the precinct. She wasn't feeling well. As soon as she was home, she felt like puking. Castle was going to propose to her, he was going to ask her to marry him. He wasn't tired of her -he wanted her to be his bride, and she had just given him the idea that she didn't want him anymore!

Kate signed the last of her papers and then put the pen down. She cradled her face in her hands and tears came to her eyes did taking this job, a job she had always dreamed of now seem like the last thing she should do?

She wouldn't leave without seeing him, without giving him a kiss goodbye. That kiss would be her strength and motivation to take on this new job. She badly wanted his support and love. She knew he'd support her, that he'd want her to have this opportunity. But he wanted to be there with her, and she had denied him that, denied him that space in her life. And as she thought about it now, she couldn't even understand why.

She had tried calling him a million times that night, but he wouldn't answer. She went to his place the next day after duty, not knowing exactly how to face him after what happened that day and after finding out he was going to ask for her hand in marriage. There was an urgent need for her to meet him and sort out their misunderstandings.

But the door wouldn't open. Her cop instincts told her to break down the door and find him, her imaginative mind jumping to horrible conclusions.

What if he drank too much, and had hurt himself? He did have a bottle of scotch open that day. What if he started with something stronger to soothe the pain he was surely going through and then-?

Kate's heartbeat went into overdrive. Just as she was about to kick the door open, she thought about asking the door man downstairs. She rushed down and was informed that Castle had packed a few bags and left soon after she had left the earlier day.

Kate walked home feeling defeated. Castle had left. Now she knew exactly what he felt like when he found out about her D.C. interview.

Kate needed to know that he would be back, she needed to know she'd see him before she left.

Where could he have gone?

* * *

><p>Review please :)<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle**

**AN: I appreciate that you guys leave me your thoughts and reviews :) Most of them are very motivating and make me want to write more :)**

* * *

><p>Chapter 3<p>

Kate's eyes opened at 7am. She stared up at her ceiling.  
>Today was going to be the beginning of a new stage in her life. She was supposed to feel good about it, she was supposed to be excited.<p>

But she couldn't feel anything. She turned her head to the pillow beside her and stared at the pillow. She missed him. Tears overflowed her eyes, staining the pillow under her head. Closing them, she sighed. She so badly wanted to see him. She wanted to hear his voice, she wanted to be held by him, she wanted to look into those beautiful blue eyes and see love again.  
>Her mind drifted to all the beautiful mornings she's shared with him, right here in her bed.<p>

By this time tomorrow, she'd be waking up in another city – alone.  
>She needed to find Castle today, before she left and explain to him that she still wanted him, that she still loved him. She had never wanted anyone the way she wanted him, and it ached her heart to think that she made him feel they were over...<p>

All she wanted was time to adjust on her own, time to tame her mind to stop doubting him, time to banish all those stupid insecurities from her head.  
>And then when all of that was settled they could think of him moving to D.C. to be with her. It was that simple. How in the hell did it get so out of hand?<p>

She ran her hand through her hair.

"Why? Why do you love being so independent? Why are you so determined on leaving him behind and doing this on your own? Why won't you give him a chance to be with you the way you both really want?'

It seemed irrational in her head now. She took a deep breath, sat up and checked her alarm clock. She needed to run. She quickly got dressed and hooked her earphones into her iPod, strapping it onto her arm. She blasted the volume in an effort to drown the voices in her head. She ran around the city, alternating between jogs and sprints around Central Park.

She loved her city, and she loved the people of the city, but most of all, she loved her Castle. Castle was… Castle was her safe zone, her calm, her home and that meant that wherever she was, if she had him by her side, that was home.

Kate made a decision that morning. She had decided that if Castle was really willing, she'd take him along with her to DC. She'd talk to him and sort out her insecurities with him. She'd tell him the things that scared her, not only about the job, but also things between them.

She just needed to find him, tell him how sorry she is for pushing him out and insist that they can still fix things, that she still wanted to fix things between them. It didn't need to end. All she had to do was find him. Find him, talk to him and fix this.

By the time 7pm rolled around, Kate still hadn't found Castle, and her train was scheduled to leave in a few minutes. She was just saying her goodbyes to her loved ones who had come to see her off. Lanie, the boys and her dad had all come, and she just wished Castle was there too.

She looked on into the distance, with even the slightest hope that he'd appear, that he'd come to see her, that he'd give her a chance to explain.

Hell! She was so desperate to see him, that if he came, she'd take him to D.C. with her. At that moment, she couldn't think - she only wanted him.

Kate felt a hand on her shoulder. It was Lanie's.

"We'll take care of him for you, Kate. Don't you worry"

"He disappeared. Like he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. I don't think I can do this without him, Lanie." the helpless tone in her voice did not go unnoticed by them.

She was torn that he wasn't here. "Shh. I will let you know as soon as he's back in the city. Then maybe the two of you could talk." said Lanie

Kate just nodded, and a few moments later, she was waving out the window of the slow moving Amtrak that had just commenced its journey to D.C.

Kate quickly sent a text to Castle "En route to D.C.. Wish you were here, Rick"

And unlike the last few days that she's been sending him texts, she received a delivery acknowledgement from him right away. And soon after came his replyin a text "I am! Kate, wait! Don't leave yet! Don't board the train! I'm here!"

Kate's heart nearly stopped! He was here! He had come to see her. But her train had already started moving. She was just about to text him back asking him to come to D.C. with her, desperately pleading for him to meet her there, but even before she could finish typing. The ground beneath her feet shook. She looked up from her phone, shock and fear bubbling up inside her.

Suddenly, her mind registered the loud sound from somewhere in the distance. And then everything happened so fast...

* * *

><p><strong>EDITOR'S NOTE (CASKETTFREAK101):<strong> Dun-dun-dun. Cliffhanger. OH NO. What loud sound? What happened really fast? What's going on? AAAAH. You want that update, you and I both know it. And that all depends on me. The chapter can't be posted until I edit it, so... Muahahahaha.

I'm kidding. Basically, the whole point of this, is the fact that negative reviews are not appreciated. Not by me, and certainly not by the author. If you have constructive criticism, please, by all means. (And even for grammar or language, because that's my responsibility.) To all the beautiful people that have given the author fabulous reviews, or have given criticism that will help, thank you! I and the author both appreciate it. We thank you for your support.. Always. See you in the fall...of the next chapter... (SEE WHAT I DID THERE? Does that even make sense? I don't know, just go with it...)

**AN: ;) I love this girl ^^^. Don't you just love this girl? . **  
><strong>Well, leave me a review then. :)<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle**

**AN: I'm so sorry for the delay in uploading new chapters :(  
>My editors been really tied up with her exams and stuff and I don't blame her. I was in the same state last year :O (Everyone wish her luck) ;)<br>**  
><strong>Thank you for all your reviews, good and bad feedback and all kinds of criticism and comments :) appreciate all of it :) Here goes Chapter 4.<br>All mistakes are mine.**

* * *

><p>Chapter 4<p>

Her phone began ringing, it was Ryan.

Suddenly the speakers in the vehicle came on and the voice spoke "Passengers are expected to stay calm, there has been an explosion at the entrance of the station and we have been asked to halt the train!"

Kate's heart was in her throat, she was already having a bad feeling about this. She picked Ryan's call finally.

"Ryan, where are you guys? Is everyone alright?"

He was panting. It sounded like he was running.

"Beckett, the blast…It was at the other gate... Lanie..."

"What's wrong? Answer me Ryan! Where's Lanie? is she alright?"

"Beckett, Lanie's fine... But..."

"But what?" Beckett was getting a sick feeling in her stomach. Something was horribly wrong. And just that intuition was making her want to puke.

"Beckett, Lanie was on the phone with Castle when it happened. He was ... He was running in to find you!"

"Oh God, Ryan..." the cry at the back of her throat was making her choke on her own words... She was breathing heavily. And every breath she took made her lungs, or something near it, ache.

"And Lanie had just begun to tell him you were already on board the train but..."

"Oh my God, Ryan?!"

"Kate calm down, we're searching for him, his phone is unreachable ever since the blast."

Kate was out of her seat now, rushing to the doorway of the train, holding nothing but her phone to her ear and holding herself together.

Her heart beat loud through her chest. She felt like it could explode any moment. And she wouldn't mind it one bit. At least that blast would make things seem balanced.

"Ryan... ", her eyes were brimming with tears. The fear she had in her right now would be too hard to describe in words! She couldn't hold herself together for long anymore.

"Ryan, tell me he's okay!"

She yelled, now, out of the halted train's doors and walking the station ground towards the place she knew they would be!

"Ryan!" she cried out loud into the phone when he didn't answer.

"Beckett, we found him..."

"Is he alright? Give him the phone Ryan... I want to talk to him", she pleaded. The ache in her to hear him, to know he was alive, was killing her inside!

"Kate, he's..."

And that's when she heard it, in the background, Lanie's voice!

"You stay with me Castle..." her voice was shaky. Beckett could hear the terror evident in Lanie's tone through her phone!  
>"Don't you give up... I promised my girl I'd take care of you... you do not get to give up this way Castle!"<p>

"Javi! Where the hell are the paramedics! We're losing him!" Lanie was panicking.

And Kate turned pale. From where she was standing now, she could see her friends a few meters away from her. But her eyes were on the one man who lay on the floor there with them. Her knees went weak and all oxygen left her lungs.

Her ears felt closed up and she was seeing blurred. She swallowed hard and with the little fight she had left in her she slowly stepped ahead.

A soft cry left her lips "Lanie...?"

And that's when they noticed her standing behind them. And Lanie's face changed.  
>"Kate, he came for you... He... He was on the phone with me... Gosh, if I had known, Kate..."<p>

She didn't know how but her feet led her closer to her Castle, until she was sitting by his side.  
>She was speechless. All she could do was watch him grow paler.<p>

"Tell me he's going to be okay!" she broke down. Then caught hold of his hand and spoke only to him, sobbing bitterly,

"Castle... Rick... You're going to fight this... I need you! You hear me!? I need you! I LOVE YOU!"

The tears flowed like streams down her face and she knew he was listening to her even though he was in pain, even though he was struggling to keep his eyes open. He was in pain and Kate leaned down over him and put her lips to his ears.

"I'm sorry Rick, just please stay." The irony of the situation was uncanny. He may have come here to say the exact same words to her.

And even before she knew what was happening, the paramedics had come to take him. They put him on to a stretcher and took him into the ambulance.

Lanie was by his side at all times. But Kate, Kate sat frozen in place.  
>The ambulance hurried away and she didn't move an inch. Her eyes fixed on the blood he had lost.<p>

None of this would have happened; none of this blood would have been lost. No pain would have been endured. If only! If only she hadn't kept secrets.

Kate grew silent after the ambulance took Castle.  
>Espo drove Kate to the hospital that they were taking Castle to. He looked at her and said,<p>

"Lanie's with him. She'll see to it that he's taken care of"  
>He waited for her to acknowledge his attempt to comfort, but she was silent and it wasn't good.<p>

She looked blank, like she had seen a ghost. Kate turned and leaned her head against the glass window of the car, starring at nothing in particular, but thinking about a 100 million things at once.

A tear rolled down her cheek and all she could do was count on the 'universe' to send her some sign that her world was not falling apart. That she could fix her broken Castle and his heart. Castle believed in the 'universe'. Just for him she'd believe in it too.

* * *

><p><strong>Leave me a review please :)<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle**

* * *

><p>Chapter 5<p>

It was one of her worst nightmares coming true and it was all happening so fast. She couldn't seem to sit still once they had taken him in. She shivered in fear for his life. Her entire body, cold and pale. She couldn't think and even breathing was beginning to feel like a painful task. The tears rolled down her face freely, but she wouldn't talk to anyone.

Lanie tried to hold her still, tried to get her to talk, but she wouldn't stay put. She was pacing the floor, lost in her thoughts, unwilling to pay attention to anything or anyone around her.  
>It wasn't until she heard the voices of the two women that Castle called 'family' that she finally stood still.<p>

"Where is he?" Martha charged forward towards them.

"Where's my dad?!" came Alexis' scared, panicked voice from behind her.

Beckett's lips parted. She needed to say something, to tell them that he was going to be okay, but really, what guarantee did she have? No words left her mouth.

She heard Esposito tell them what happened, she heard Martha trying to comfort Alexis and be brave. But that's all she could do. Hear. Listen. Cause words were beyond her right now. She had lost all ability to speak, the minute she had seen him on the floor of the station, bleeding his life out.

Kate closed her eyes and the images flashed in front of her again, and again, and again, until she fell back against the wall of the corridor, and slid to the ground, sobbing her heart out.

"Kate, honey…" she heard Lanie's comforting voice coming closer to her, but it was abruptly stopped by an angry young woman's voice.

"No!" Alexis screamed. "No! She doesn't deserve it!" Kate knew it wouldn't be long till Alexis would break.

"This is all your fault Kate!"

Kate hid her head between her knees, her entire body shaking with guilt and fear and too much pain.

"Alexis, calm down" Martha spoke

"No! I am not going to calm down!"

Kate heard her footsteps coming closer.

"You used him! He loved you for 5 years. 5 years, we saw him fall in love with you. And what did you give him in return?  
>You lied, you kept secrets. You kept him out. You played him. And even after you broke his heart, He still came back to see you, and now look where that's brought him!"<p>

A shocking pain bolted through her joints and her fingers clenched into her skin. Everything that Alexis said was nothing but the truth. This was all really her fault.

"Alexis enough, this is not the right time" Martha tried again.

"Then when will it be, grams? When we hear worse news from the doctors? Would that be the right time?"

"Alexis..." Kate managed to choke out, needing her to stop.

"No! You have no right. I don't even know what you're still doing here. You were on your way to DC. Maybe that's where you belong. Cause you sure as hell don't belong anywhere near my father!"

"Let her be." Came Jim's voice. "She's heard enough."

Alexis turned away in anger and paced to the end of the corridor. Martha and Ryan followed behind her. The girl was really torn apart.

Jim sat down beside his daughter, and pulled her into his embrace. And Kate cried her heart out to him.  
>"She's just upset."<p>

"She's right" Kate argued. "You and I both know it, dad. None of this would have happened if I hadn't kept secrets from him, if I had just listened to him"

An hour later, Beckett was seated among the chairs in the waiting area, a little away from where the rest of them were. She decided it was best to sit away as she knew how upset Alexis was with her. And even though all she really wanted was to be near his family, be there for them like she had once promised him, she knew that at this point of time, they most definitely blamed her for his condition.

Who was she kidding; she really was the one to blame. What she'd give to see her Castle right now, breathing and alive, to see that charming smile of his. She doesn't care that they ended things on a bad note. If Castle came to see her off, it means he still wants 'them'. It means she should fight for him too.

She was not going to leave his side. She'd never make that mistake again. She closed her eyes and prayed that when he opened his eyes, he'd still want to see her. That he'd ask for her.

It was selfish to even think of it, after everything she'd done to him. But really, right now, all she could think about was seeing him alive. She needed that image of his dying self, out of her head.

She was suddenly pulled out of her train of thought when she saw a doctor walk out of the emergency room and ask for Richard Castle's Family.

Kate walked briskly to where the rest of them were and listened in. the doctor told them that after a lot of complications, they were finally able to bring him out of his critical stage. He had burns, and bruises, and even a few head injuries, but they managed to treat almost all of it. The doctor explained that he is still unconscious and will stay that way for a while due to the heavy medication and the morphine doses they have given him.

"When can we see him?" asked Alexis.

"As soon as we move him to another room, I will get a nurse to let you come see him."  
>"Thank you." Martha said to him.<p>

They sat down again. And Kate stared blankly at the floor. He was stable. He was breathing and alive. But he now had marks on him that would forever remind him of this day. The day he ran after her yet again and almost lost his life because of her.

Kate wanted to go burn herself. She had only put Castle through pain whenever things got tough for her. Every single time, it was him who bore the brunt of her insecurities. And she hated herself for it. But this time she had learnt her lesson. There was no running away now. She was here for good. She just needed to see him, and tell him what a fool she's been. How wrong she's been this whole time.

Her job in DC had long been forgotten. There was no way in hell she was leaving him this way. She felt horrible that it took him almost dying to keep her from going, and when she thought about it now, she felt like a heartless woman to have decided to push him out of her life like that.

The call had come a few minutes earlier, informing her of what time she was needed to come in to the Federal task force office tomorrow morning to meet her new boss, when she had politely informed them that something had suddenly come up, and she would not be taking the job in DC.

When Kate had finished the call, her heart had felt lighter than it did the entire week. She should have done that a long time ago, she thought to herself.

From something she had always dreamed about, in the last few days, it had turned into something she never wanted to think about. And as she pondered on the 'whys' of it now, she had to admit, it told of her love for a certain writer. A love, that even if her mind tried to ignore, her heart never failed to cling onto. And that's what had made thinking about DC such a burden on her shoulders.

Cause subconsciously, she never wanted to leave New York in the first place. New York is where Castle is. And Castle is home.

* * *

><p>Stick with me guys.. I promise I won't disappoint :)<br>Leave me a review please :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle**

* * *

><p>Chapter 6<p>

Her thoughts were interrupted when she felt Lanie sit beside her and tell her softly, "Martha and Alexis have been in there for a while, maybe you'll feel better after you see him too."

Kate looked up at her, and nodded. She then wiped down her face with her hand, trying to erase all the tiredness from it; she stood up, and walked to his room.

And just before entering, she stopped for a moment, closed her eyes, searching inside her for the strength to see him in the condition he was going to be in. She needed to tell herself again and again, that however hurt he is right now, he is healing and he will get better. He isn't dying. She wouldn't be breathing if that were the case.

She took a deep breath and walked inside.

He lay asleep, so still. There were bandages, and pipes and wires all around him, there was a large gauze around his head with a blood stain on the right. Alexis and Martha were at his side. Kate took a step in, but then decided she should just stay where she is. Alexis was holding his hand, and she didn't want to go and interrupt that.  
>The girl needed her father, and Kate knew she was already upset with her.<p>

So she just looked on at her lover from where she stood. He looked like he was in too much pain. And that only brought severe heartache to her.

In her mind, it played on like a mantra. "This is all my fault, My fault, He's here because of me"  
>and as the tears began to fill her eyes again, she was losing her ability to stand, her legs turning weak, watching the love of her life at the mercy of those torturing wires and monitors and bandages.<p>

Her hand reached out for something to hold on to, until it caught onto something, it was an armchair. She caught onto it, and slowly seated herself. Her eyes never once left his fragile form, resting on that hospital bed. Martha and Alexis both knew of her presence in the room, but didn't acknowledge it. They all just needed to see him, and be close to him.

Little did he know of how much he meant to each of them. To one a caring son, to another a perfect father, and to yet the third, He'd been a shadow, a friend, a lover, her life.

There was a hand in his. A soft, smooth and warm skinned hand, one he'd never forget the feel of. He'd held that hand and watched it grow from the time it was small enough to only hold his little finger. He moved his fingers to feel that comfortable skin of his very own angel, and he felt her lips kiss his hand. He smiled. He moved his lips to call her name, but words didn't come.

"Dad! Thank god you're awake!" he heard now.

"Oh Richard!" he heard his dear mother's voice say in pure relief.

"Alexis", he whispered his throat completely hoarse and dry.

"I'm here dad", she replied

and as he opened his eyes, he couldn't help the small smile that crept onto his lips when he saw his angel, his baby girl, Alexis.

"Oh dad, you're okay" she leaned down to embrace him lightly, placing a chaste kiss on his cheek. He felt the moisture on her cheek, a result of the tears she had cried in fear for him.

A nurse came in and helped him drink some water. He cleared his throat and then asked, "How long was I out?"

"That doesn't matter dad. What matters is you're awake, and you're going to be okay"

he smiled at his daughter. He hated that she had to see him this way, he hated that she must have had to go through a lot in all the time that he was unconscious, he hated to think that even for a second, she feared he had left her.

Castle was suddenly aware of a third person in the room. Someone he had come to love and adore over the past few years, someone who he had begun to despise and hate over the past three days, the same someone he was coming to see off when this happened to him.

"What are you doing here?" he asked in her direction.  
>She stepped out of the shadow hesitantly, coming into better light beside him.<p>

"Oh Castle; I was so scared that something hap…"

"What are you doing here?" he spoke coldly, "Aren't you supposed to be on your way to DC"

Kate's lips parted, but she didn't know what to say. She looked at him, and then at the other two occupants in the room

"I'm not going Castle, I made a mistake…"

"You're damn right you made a mistake."

"Castle I …"

"You made a mistake coming here Kate. Go away. I don't want to see you."

Kate's heart quickened. She hadn't been expecting him to act this way. He was looking at her with eyes filled with rage, and there was nothing but seriousness about them. He was serious. He wanted her to leave. She was speechless and still.

"Do you remember when we worked a case like this the last time Kate? It was the bombing case, and I had the realization then and I had it this time too. Its incidents like these that remind me how unpredictable life is, and I am not going to waste my time waiting on you. I've spent five years of my life trying to convince you of my love and commitment, but I guess it's never enough for you, so I'm putting a stop to it. I'm done."

Kate began to shiver. Tears rolling down her face as she heard castle speak words to her she'd never imagined he'd say.  
>"Rick…"<br>His mother tried to interrupt.

"Mother, this is my final decision, and nothing you say is going to make me reconsider."

"Rick... I... I didn't mean.. Rick I'm in, for real. I am. I'm not leaving." she pleaded between sobs

"You're not leaving because you saw me die. You would have left had it not been for the blast."

"I was going to come back anyway, I had decided I couldn't do it without you" she cried, pleaded with him actually.

"Well I guess you decided too late Kate. I'm sorry. It's over."

"No Rick, This can't be it, please, just give me another chance, I'll show you how committed I am to this... please..."

"No Kate, I can't. How long did you think you could just play around with me huh?"

Kate's insides clenched. She'd hurt him so bad, and she was receiving her pain for it now.

"I'm tired. And I really can't do this anymore"

"No Rick. Please!" she begged, knowing that this was her last chance.

"Kate! Leave! I don't want to see you again." He said firmly. And then turned his face away from her.

She shook with sobs; her heart feeling like it had been trampled upon and broken into a tiny million pieces. She slowly took a few steps back, and then turned and walked briskly out of the room, her tears never once stopping.

* * *

><p><strong>I have a thing for angst. ;)<strong>

**Reviews are much appreciated :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle**

**AN: No delay this time. Here's chapter 7 :)  
>All mistakes are mine. :) <strong>

* * *

><p>Chapter 7<p>

"Dad…" Alexis tried.

"Mother, I want her stuff taken out of the loft and sent back to her place." He spoke firmly.

"Richard, I'll have all of that done later, you need to rest"

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He'd never done anything like that before. He'd never dumped a lover. And it pained him, everything he had just said to her. But it had to be done. He knew that. Kate had decided to leave him for DC. And now, he chose to leave her and move on. It was something he needed to do.

He wasn't going to sit around and wait for her, or another explosion. He needed to look out for himself now.

And as he drifted off to sleep, the image of Kate Beckett, the strongest woman he'd ever know, the same woman whose strength he had always honoured and looked up to, breaking down to tears before him, haunted his dreams and pained his heart.

Kate ran out of the hospital. She needed air. She needed oxygen. The walls were closing in on her. The air in her lungs had left her with every exhale she took, and she was battling to breathe. She couldn't find it in her to stand up straight, her lungs hurt, her throat went dry, and her screams filled the chilled air around her.

She crouched on the ground, crying her heart out. Until she felt two arms make their way around her, embracing her. Of course, she knew it was Lanie. But it didn't help much. The pain grew more unbearable, and the oxygen never came.

'This was what heart break felt like', she thought to herself as she drifted off into a black haze. The picture of Castle telling her he never wanted to see her again, playing on repeat in her mind. Heartbreak: pure, excruciating heartache.

When she opened her eyes again, she was at home, at her apartment. She sat up suddenly, and regretted it immediately. Her head hurt. She pressed her palm to her forehead, and everything came back to her. Castle.

She hid her face between her knees and tried to forget. But failed.

Why didn't she see this coming? She questioned herself. Did she really think he'd wake up from his unconscious state and embrace her with loving arms, forgiving her for all the wrong she's done to him?! Who was she kidding?

She deserved to feel this way, to feel this heartache, to be dumped in the cruellest way. She couldn't help but think about all that she'd put him through in the past five years. She'd only hurt him, strung him along, made him wait. For what? For her to tell him that she's moving to DC to join the federal task force and that she's not taking him with her.

Kate felt disgusted with herself.

"How are you feeling?"

Kate looked up when she heard her best friend's voice.

"How does it look?" she replied

Lanie stepped closer and sat beside her, pulling her to lean on her shoulder.

"Tell me everything that happened"

"He broke up with me. He said he doesn't want to see me ever again. He wants nothing to do with me, and that he's tired of everything I've put him through"

"Oh honey..."

"I don't blame him. He was right. I'm really bad at this"

Kate cried out her sorrow to her best friend, and Lanie listened and comforted her.  
>"You passed out, so I brought you home."<p>

"Who's at the hospital, how is he now?"

"Javi called to check on you. He said Castle woke up again a few minutes ago and he's doing well."  
>Kate nodded.<p>

"I need to see him Lanie... I have to tell him… I have to…" she went quiet

"Kate…"

She looked at her and Lanie began  
>"He asked Martha to send your stuff back here."<p>

Kate was quiet for a moment and then she spoke. "This is really happening Lanie, I can't..."

she couldn't finish her sentence. She simply fell back on her bed, and curled into a fetal position, needing to be by herself again.

Lanie was worried for her, but there was nothing she could do.

Back at the hospital, Castle was awake and was being fed soup by Alexis. Javier got off the phone and turned back to where Castle was.

"Who was that?" Castle asked

"That was Lanie. She's at Beckett's"

"Has she woken up yet?" Ryan asked from where he was sitting beside Castle's bed.

Esposito shook his head no.

"What happened to her?" Martha asked, worried.

"She passed out earlier." They told her

"Oh dear Lord how is she?" Martha exclaimed.

Ryan was just about to speak when Castle interrupted.  
>"Okay, you know what, I'm really tired, and I think I should get some sleep now."<p>

They started to say goodbye to him and move out of his room to let him sleep, promising to come see him tomorrow. Alexis was going to stay the night with her dad, so she was the only one who didn't move. After everyone had left, she spoke.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle**

* * *

><p>Chapter 8<p>

"Dad, what's going on in your mind?"

Alexis knew her father all too well. She could see his unrest ever since he woke up. She knew he was debating something in his mind.  
>He took a deep breath and then spoke<p>

"I've never spoken to her that way pumpkin" he spoke with a heavy heart. She could see in his eyes that even talking about what happened pained him.

"I've never before broken a woman's heart, and to think that I did that to Kate today... It's just... it's eating me up."

"Dad, she broke your heart too."

"I know. That's why it needed to be done. I waited too long for her. It's never easy to break up with someone you love." he said sadly.

"You still love her?"

"I don't think I'll ever be able to stop. It's going to be the hardest thing I try to do. I recover faster from physical injuries than a broken heart."

"You have us to help you through it dad."

"I know, I know. I just never thought I had it in me to speak to her that way, and now that I have, I'm not sure what I feel about it."

Castle kissed his daughter on her forehead and she spoke to him

"I yelled at her too. And I think I said some pretty nasty stuff dad"

Castle looked at her seriously. "What did you say to her?"

"I blamed her for you being here in this state"

"Alexis, sweetie, that's not fair… She didn't bomb the station"

"I know, and I feel like an idiot now…"

Castle hugged her and said "You will apologize to her soon okay? I didn't raise you to be this way. I know you were scared, but it's not her fault I was near the bomb."

"But it is her fault that you're in this mental state dad."

Castle huffed a sigh. He wouldn't deny it. Kate Beckett always knew how to play with his emotions.

Getting over her and moving on was going to be tough, because Castle had gotten used to always having her on his mind.

She filled his dreams at night as well as day, her voice had been music to his ears, her touch was what he craved at any given point of time, her fragrance had become a part of the air he breathed everyday.. All in all, she had become his life.

And now, he had to try and undo every step he had taken forward with her. To say it would be difficult would be an understatement.

In the next few days, Kate had tried every way she could to reach out to him. She went to the hospital, but he never let her see him. she tried calling him when she knew he had been discharged from the hospital, but he never picked her calls. Kate grew more and more desperate by the day.

Finally one day, she found herself outside his place, scared as hell, that even now, there were chances she would be denied the chance to talk to him.

She knocked on the door, but no one answered. She waited and then knocked again. But after hearing no movement at all from inside the loft, she finally gave up, and with a heavy heart and tears in her eyes, she began to back away.

She was just about to enter the elevator when she heard his front door open, and Martha stepped out, her hands folded across her chest, and her eyes looking on at her sadly.

"Martha…" Kate walked on towards her.

"Kate, If Rick knew I stepped out to talk to you, he'd never forgive me."

"He told you not to speak to me?" Kate asked with utmost hurt and fear.

"After everything you've put him through before this blast, I'm surprised that I still stepped out here to talk to you"

"Martha, you have to let me see him… I've made mistakes in our relationship, I'm aware of them and I just want another chance."

"That is not for me to decide darling. It's all him. But that's what I came here to tell you. He's not going to give you that chance."

Kate's heart broke a little more for the umpteenth time this week. The tears that fell down her face were now something she had gotten so used to. She couldn't care wiping them off. They'd just come back.

"He's made up his mind that he wants to move on, that he can't keep clinging on to something that is going nowhere. So I'm sorry Kate, but we'd appreciate it if you just give him his space. Let him move on. Let him recover without having to think about you, cause truly thinking about you, I can see, is stressing him out. Maybe everything that's happened is for the best."

"No Martha, you don't understand…" She cried out loud.

"Maybe I don't. But I know my son. And he's made his decision. He doesn't want to see you again."

She paused, looking with great pity upon this young woman whom she had come to see as her very own daughter in the past few years, and she felt horrible for having to do this.

"I'm sorry Katherine. But he deserves more. You both deserve more"

Kate shivered and her body racked with sobs, as she fell in the hallway, remembering the very same line said to her by her lover when he had proposed. Only it meant the exact opposite of what it did now.

Martha stepped into the loft and slowly closed the door. But she waited, and looked from the peephole until she knew Kate had picked herself up and gone home.

Only, Kate hadn't gone home. An hour later, she was sitting at an old bar; drinking shot after shot of vodka, drowning her sorrow in every sip, letting the burn of the alcohol take over her mind. She just wanted to forget everything that had been told to her. She couldn't believe this was happening to her.

One moment, she was having dreams about the perfect wedding with her Castle, and the next moment, she was being asked by his mother to let him be, to forget him and move on. She really didn't care about anything now. Her life was meaningless without him, and it would forever be that way. There was no reason, she felt, to care.

She looked at the time on her phone, and through her slightly blurring vision, she decided there was one place she needed to go.

* * *

><p><strong>Reviews please :)<strong>


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you for all your reviews :) I love hearing what you guys have to say :) Really appreciate your time :) here's the next update :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle**

* * *

><p>Chapter 9<p>

Every step towards her mother's grave stone was slow and steady. And as she drew closer, her heart grew heavier. The eerie silence of the night worried at her ears and gave her a sick feeling, which was partly cause of the amount of alcohol she had consumed. She knelt down at her mom's grave, and spoke.

"I messed up mom. Again!"

Slowly, her body shivered and she sat down, pulling her knees up close to her chest, and hiding her face between her knees. She cried. She cried for her mother, for Castle, and for a life of joy that she had thrown away cause of her stupid decisions.

"I messed up mom!" She screamed. "Why, Why aren't you here when I need you, I needed you to tell me I was doing the wrong thing! I need you mom!"

The cold air of the night, whistled around her and she knew she could just be dreaming, but she could have sworn she heard her mom's voice saying "I'm here". If anything it only made her heart pain more.

She sat there for a while, telling her mom of all the pain she's been putting herself through, and how this was only the beginning.  
>Trying to live without Castle by her side was going to be the hardest part, and she prayed for some way for her to wake up from this horrible nightmare that's been causing her nothing but excruciating pain.<p>

That night, she walked on home, took a shower, changed into her loose comfortable clothes and went to bed soon after.

Only to have dreams in which she cried on her mom's shoulder and told her everything about Castle, and just her words and comforting touch was enough to make her feel better. But the comfort was short lived; it was only in her dream.

For when her eyes opened the next morning, there was a pin in her head, and a million in her heart.  
>The former she knew was temporary and cause of the drinks; the latter, she'd have to get used to, for it was not going to leave anytime soon.<p>

* * *

><p>Castle was sitting at his desk, staring at his laptop and the many words that his fingers had typed out, words that his heart had dictated. He'd been doing this since the day he'd been discharged from the hospital.<p>

It was almost two weeks since he'd been sent home, and the words he wrote, they were always about the one woman who had changed his life for always. About the one woman, who seemed to inspire him to write even when she was no longer with him.

it may have not been like the writing he did for his series of book he'd made about her, but it was things about her he'd never put into a book, things about her that only he had the privilege of knowing, things about her that he had observed and never told her. And it pained him that he would never tell her.

What surprised him was that even with those bitter feelings in his heart he felt for her, he couldn't manage to put them down in words. His words were only praises of her, her beauty, her strength, and her ways of making him fall in love with her. The bitter feelings were confined to his heart, and he just couldn't put them down on screen.  
>It frustrated him, infuriated him.<p>

He closed his laptop, and pushed it away, and then hid his head down in his hands.

And before he could lose himself in thoughts about forgetting her, there was a knock on his door. It was Alexis.

"Dad, I was just going out to get some stuff from the grocers, is there anything you'd like me to get for you?"

"No, thanks pumpkin." he smiled sadly. And she knew at once that he'd been thinking of her again. She knew at once that he didn't want to, but he couldn't help it.

"Dad, would you like to come out with me?" she asked, hoping he'd say yes. He'd been in the loft ever since the day he was discharged, he was fit enough now to go out, but he refused to, whenever given the chance.

"No sweetheart, I'll be alright, you go ahead."

He smiled at his daughter, and waved her off. And after she had left, he poured himself a glass of scotch and sat back to forget.

* * *

><p>There was a knock on her door, and she moaned in frustration. Who could it be at this time of the morning? She tried to ignore it. She drank too much again last night, after being yelled at by Gates at the precinct for her lack of concentration on the case they had been working on. This was the second time since the blast that she had to be on the receiving end of Gates firing.<p>

She needed a break and so she had asked for a few days off, just to get herself together. But it didn't seem to work, every night she found herself drinking a little too much, drowning her sorrows into the bottle and when she'd wake up in the morning, she'd feel guilty for letting herself lose control that way, for allowing herself to fall under the influence of alcohol.

And this morning, the knocking on her door, felt louder than the pounding she felt in her head.

She pulled the eye mask over her head and slowly opened her eyes and checked her bedside clock. It was 9 am. She sat up, and held her head. She quickly tied her hair up into a messy bun, took an aspirin for her head ache, and stepped out of bed to go answer the door. She walked slowly to avoid falling and injuring herself.

She swung her door open, not caring to look through the peep hole first, because really, she didn't care anymore. There could be a gunman outside waiting to kill her, and she'd appreciate it.  
>That's what her life felt like these days. A struggle. It would be easier to die than to try living without Him.<p>

Katherine Beckett was faced with the one person she never though would come to her doorstep for anything.


	10. Chapter 10

**This is the last chapter I had written and saved. I need to start writing the rest now :) and trust me, it'll get better :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle**

* * *

><p>Chapter 10<p>

The red head looked at her in complete seriousness.

Kate wiped down her face with her hand, trying to look a little more presentable.

"Alexis, what's wrong? Is everything alright?"

"Uhh... I needed to talk to you"

"Sure sure, Come in…"

Kate let her in and closed the door after she entered. This was the first time they had any interaction since that day the young woman had yelled at her and blamed her for her father's injuries. She couldn't imagine why she had come over to her place, and her mind quickly jumped to the conclusion that something's wrong. Castle.

"Alexis, Is everything okay, How's your dad?"

"He's fine." She lied. But for some reason, she didn't want to give the detective any more information.

"I'm here to apologize for my behaviour that day"

"Alexis, you don't need to…"

'No, I need to. It was not my place to speak to you that way. I lost my cool and said some pretty nasty things. I even blamed you for the incident, when it was clear that you had nothing to do with the blast"

"Alexis…"

"I'm sorry…"

"It's alright. I understand what you were going through at that moment. I'd yell at me if I were you too"

Alexis nodded and then there was an awkward silence after that.

Kate looked around, and so did Alexis. And Kate suddenly wanted to go hide somewhere. Her place was in a mess. There were bottles of vodka and whisky around the living room, making it pretty clear to the young adult that the detective was just as miserable as her dad.

"I'm sorry about the mess…" She paused. And then continued

"Alexis, Tell me honestly how is he doing?"

"I think I should leave now. He doesn't know I came here and he'll begin to worry if I don't go home soon."

"He doesn't have to know you were here. Just be honest with me" Kate pleaded.

"He's alright. He just doesn't go out as much as he used to"

Kate though for a moment and then said.  
>"Wait here a moment, there's something I need to give you"<p>

Kate rushed into her bedroom, only to return back with a business card in her hand. She gave it to Alexis and said.

"I know what it's like to be on the wrong side of a bullet. Tragedies like that take a huge toll on you, and I can just imagine what your dad is going through. I don't know how he is, or how much he's recovered, but it's natural for signs of PTSD to show around this time in his recovery.

is my therapist, and therapy really helps to get by. It takes time and you need to put in the work, but it really helped me."

"My dad does not have PTSD. He doesn't need a shrink. Why are you giving me this?" She spoke bitterly.

Kate smiled sadly.  
>"Alexis, I know you probably hate me, but this is not about me. I'm not saying you need to take him to a shrink. I just want you to hold on to this. Just in case."<p>

"Whatever. I need to leave now." She took the card from Kate's hand and walked to the door. Kate walked her out and just before she left Kate spoke.

"Alexis, I know things are not the same between us, and more over between your dad and me, but I'd hate if I lose all ties with you. I hope one day, you can forgive me, because I don't know about you, but you're the closest I have to a daughter.

And whether you like it or not, I care about you."

"I don't know if I'd ever believe that Kate. But if I do, I'll let you know"

Alexis began to walk away but then stopped in her tracks, turned around and said "You don't need to drink your way out of this you know. You could just simply try to move on"

"I wish it were that easy"

Alexis nodded, half smiled and walked away hesitantly.

* * *

><p><strong>Leave me your reviews please :)<strong>


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle**

* * *

><p>Chapter 11<p>

Three months later.

"Mr. Castle, will see you now" the young receptionist said to him.

"Thank you" Castle replied o her and followed her in to the room.

"Good evening Richard"

"Hey" Castle said as he sat down on the couch opposite the doctor

"so, how have you been this week?"

"Better. I've been going out more often now."

"That's good. Do you still feel on edge?"

"Uhh...yea, sadly, sudden loud noises still startle me and get me panicked."

He looked down at the ground, feeling embarrassed actually, that he needed a therapist. He wouldn't have ever thought of coming for therapy if it wasn't for Alexis.

In that month after he was discharged, he avoided going out of the loft for anything, he thought he could fool his family, but Alexis saw right through him. She knew he was avoiding leaving the loft for possible fear of being in the same traumatic incident again.

She also knew he was jittery and shaky at times, and he resorted to drinks to help him calm his nerves. She also knew he'd wake up in the middle of the nights panting and with a cold sweat cause he was reliving the incident on and on in his head. And one day she broke down to him and between sobs, she asked him to see a therapist, and just for her, he agreed.

Dr burke was a really nice guy, and Castle really wanted to know how Alexis knew him. Or even how she had his contact. But he didn't ask. He wanted to put in the work for her.

But there was one thing that Castle hid from Alexis, and was now about to open up to Dr Burke about.

"there's something else I'd like to talk to you about."

"Go on" Burke said

"Remember how I told you I was going to see off my ex-girlfriend when the bomb exploded? Well... I sometimes have these nightmares in which she was hurt instead of me"

"this happens…"

"No. You don't understand. When I have those nightmares… I wake up from a cold sweat; but not cause of the blast. I fear for her"

"What's the status of your relationship with her now?"

Castle looked out towards the window and sighed.  
>"I told her I didn't want to see her again"<p>

"why so?"

"I want to move on from her"

"Your subconscious doesn't"

"She tries hard to get through to me. She still loves me." Castle admitted.

"And what about you?"

Castle didn't answer. He didn't want to admit to his therapist that he missed her. He missed Kate.

* * *

><p>Burke knew who Richard Castle was talking about. He didn't need him to spell it out to him. Castle had never mentioned Kate's name. But he's heard the other end of the story too. Kate still came to him occasionally, when things needed to be sorted out in her head. And lately she'd been seeing him a lot. And it was all regarding the same incident, the same relationship, the same broken man sitting before him.<p>

* * *

><p>He put his notepad down and said<p>

"why don't I leave it to you to figure out the answer to that. Come see me next week. And see that you continue the exercises I told you to do"

Castle stood up and then just before turning to leave, he said "Am I getting better or not? Cause for some reason, I see no progress"

Burke smiled at him "That's up to you Mr. Castle. Only you will know what's best for you and what's not, what heals you, that is. I'm just helping you realize it."

Castle nodded and walked out. And as he walked out of the elevator, he didn't notice the tall, young woman with the NYPD badge hooked on to her hip, enter the elevator besides his.

* * *

><p><strong>Reviews? :)<strong>


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle**

* * *

><p>Chapter 12<p>

Kate paced in front of .

"So what you're saying is he does come to see you. But you won't tell me how he is? Or if he's getting better? Or if he ever brings me up?"

"yes" said Burke.

"Oh come on. I recommended you to him."

"No you didn't. His daughter did. And he believes that."

"That's because he doesn't know"

"That's not even the point Kate. You're here for you. Not for him"

Kate plopped herself down on the sofa and buried her face into her hands. Frustrated.

"Only, I am here for him" she said softly.  
>And then looked up at him.<p>

"I am here for him, because he's all I ever think about. It's so much that I can't concentrate on anything else. I worry for him. I wish he'd let me come near, let alone talk to him."

Kate, you've been seeing me for a long time now, what started off with just PTSD turned into helping you sort out issues in your personal life. You know how I work. Now, I am treating him, but that doesn't mean I'm allowed to tell you about his case.  
>But I can tell you one thing. He's healing."<p>

"That's the problem. I don't know if, you saying he's healing, is good or for me or not."

Burke smiled. "Let's talk about how these past two weeks have been with you"

"I've cut down on the alcohol."

"Cut down. Not stopped entirely?"

"I can't. Sometimes I just need to erase the images of him lying in that blood, I want to try and forget the words he said when he pushed me out of his life. Its times like these I need the alcohol."

"Kate, do you think you'll ever get over this?"

"No. I don't want to. What am I supposed to do ha? Just try and forget him No!"

She stood up now and started pacing. "I want him back. I just need to know if he does too"

"What if he doesn't?"

"Did he tell you that?"

"Kate." He looked at her disapprovingly.

"He must have told you that. Why else would you say such a thing? I've told you everything about the relationship we had" the use of past tense in her own words still hurt.

"All I'm saying is. You have to be ready to move on. You can't hold on for so long if he doesn't want anything to do with you."

"That's enough. I don't want to sit here and listen to this"

"Kate. This argument is not with me. This argument is one you have in your head all day long isn't it?"

She looked at him sternly, and then blinked. The tears came to her eyes.

"Okay. I think that's all for this week."

"I'll come by next Saturday"

And just before she let herself out she turned to him and asked.  
>If he comes to see you every Saturday, why is it that I never run into him?<p>

"Beats me" he said.  
>And after she had left, Dr. Burke shook his head and smiled to himself.<p>

* * *

><p><em>Sunday night. <em>

"Okay, so I'll see you tomorrow morning at 9 then."

Alexis heard her father say to someone over the phone.

"Alright, see you, bye"

"Who was that?" she sat beside him on the couch.

Just an old friend. I'm meeting her for coffee tomorrow."

"What's her name?"

"Christine"

"so... you're dating again?"

"I realized it'll help me move on"

Alexis knew that her dad was trying his best to heal for her. But what she wasn't so sure of was his methods.

And now, she was beginning to doubt whether Kate not being in his life was a good or bad thing.

Cause if her dad was going to be seeing other women, would they be better or worse than Kate Beckett.

* * *

><p><strong>What do you think? am I still holding your interest in this story? :)<br>Leave me a review. :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle**

**AN:** So here's the next update. Guys, I know the angst is getting too much now, (I'm sorry, i get a little carried away) but I'm fixing it... don't worry. just stay with me. There will be fluff soon :)****

****All mistakes are mine.. really sorry. My editor needs to fare well in her exams :P She's amazing btw :)****

* * *

><p>Chapter 13<p>

Kate woke up early, and decided she needed to run. And after a long run around central park, a run that she thought would help her stay distracted from missing him, but only made her think about him more, she stopped at a café for breakfast.

She sat at a corner booth with her coffee in hand, and browsed through the morning paper. She didn't realize how time flew and when she checked the time on her iPhone, it was almost 9.

She was just about to leave when she saw a familiar face enter the café.

'Familiar' would be an understatement.

The face she saw was the very same one that her lips would worship at night, the same face that hovered over hers with darkened eyes when she entered the world of ecstasy with him, the very same face she'd wake up every morning to, the same face she had brought hurt to.

Her heart raced. She didn't know what she was feeling anymore, for Richard Castle had not entered the café alone.  
>He was here with a woman.<p>

A young, tall, sexy, blonde woman.  
>And he had his hand around her.<p>

And it made her insides burn.

Kate sat lower in her seat. She really didn't want to be spotted by him yet. She watched as he sat the young woman down, and then went to place their coffee order.

He was seeing someone else.  
>He was seeing someone else.<br>He was seeing someone else. her conscience taunted her.  
>He was seeing, tall, blonde someone else.<br>He was holding someone else.  
>He was buying coffee for someone else.<br>He was holding that someone else's hand too.

She was sick. Kate left from the back exit of the coffee shop and puked everything she had consumed just a few minutes back. Her insides hurt. Her heart ached. Her body shivered. She wasn't sure which emotion was stronger. Jealousy or Sorrow.

Was it really that easy for him to get over her? Did he really hate her as much as he showed? Kate wasn't sure what to believe anymore.

She took a cab home, and called in sick at work.

And as she nursed herself to a second glass of scotch that morning, her tears flowed endlessly. She undid every effort she had put in to stop drowning her sorrows into the bottle.

She'd been waiting for that moment she'd get to see him again. A chance to get to talk to him again and to try and explain how badly she needs him. But right now, she just wished she hadn't seen him at all.

Cause everytime she tried picturing him, she pictured the woman beside him, and how it could have been her in his arms today, had she not made such horrible mistakes in her life.

She was beginning to wonder whether it would be any use fighting for him. He was seeing someone. what if he really felt nothing for her anymore? But that voice in her head quickly called out again, reminding her how he fought for her, waited for her, watched her date three men he despised with all his heart.

And if he could fight for her, for 4 years, who was she to give up on them now.

Kate didn't want to give up. She still wanted to meet him. talk to him, convince him to take her back. Even after knowing he was seeing someone else. She knew he must still feel something for her.

And so she decided, once and for all, she was going to see him first thing Monday morning.

* * *

><p>It was Friday evening.<p>

Castle had just got done with his session with .

He told him that he had started seeing this other girl Christine. And about how everything seemed forced with her. How it wasn't real. It wasn't Kate. And all said was  
>"Then I don't think I need to tell you what your next step should be"<p>

And Castle knew immediately, he couldn't go on this way. He was fooling no one. It had been just three days with Christine and everything just seemed fake. So he had made his decision. He was going to tell her he wasn't ready for a relationship yet.

Castle didn't expect to see Christine waiting for him outside in the waiting room. And when he walked to her, to where she was sitting near the window, she stood up and literally jumped on him, and locked her lips to his. He had no choice but to hold her to stop from falling, and the woman was one hell of a kisser, he had to admit.

* * *

><p>Kate had called Friday evening, saying she'd have to come see him that evening instead of Saturday as she had other appointments for Saturday.<p>

The one person, or rather two persons she never expected to see that evening, had decided to make an appearance.  
>but it wasn't just them being at the doctors that surprised her, it was the way she saw them. she had just entered the waiting room and there, standing near the window, were the two love birds.<p>

And she froze.

His arms were around her, her arms were around his neck, and her tongue down his throat.

Kate lost every sense she had. Her vision went blurred, her body went numb. she even stopped breathing.

But all of this for just a second.

Because everything that she did soon after was a result of pure unadulterated anger towards the tramp in Castle's arms.

* * *

><p>Castle was just about to pull away. He couldn't do this anymore, he needed to tell her. But even before he could push her away, Christine pulled away suddenly, the sound of the smack of their lips loud and wet.<p>

And that's when Castle saw. It wasn't Christine who pulled away from the kiss. It was someone who pulled her away from the kiss.  
>That someone was Kate Beckett<p>

and it all happened so fast, Kate pulled her away cursing under her breath. Christine startled, screamed "What the hell?"

"Who do you think you are?" Kate spat out after pinning Christine to the ground.

Castle finally managed to say something in that state of shock

"Kate, What in the world…?"

But Kate's attention didn't budge. She held Christine by the collar, the anger in her so evident in the red rims of her eyes, that vein on her forehead bulging out and throbbing.

"How dare you kiss him?! My boyfriend. You kissed my man!"

"Kate! Enough! Get off of her!" Castle tried to interfere.

"Shut up! You never cared to talk to me all these days. So you can just do the same and ignore whatever's happening here."

"Kate! What's gotten into you! You're being ridiculous"

"Get off of me Bitch!" Christine yelled. And Kate drew her arm back, ready to hit the tramp, when a hand caught hers from behind.

"That's it, Detective Beckett, You need to stop this instant." Dr. Burke's voice was loud and demanding.

And that's when Kate came back to her senses. Her stiffened arm loosened in the doctor's hold.

Her face changed when she realized what she had done. Her lips parted, but no words came. She quickly got up, and looked at Castle, standing shocked before her, a questioning and worried look on his face. But he said nothing.

And all Kate wanted, was to run away.

* * *

><p><strong>Reviews please :)<strong>


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle**

* * *

><p>Chapter 14<p>

"Kate, please go wait for me in my office. We will talk about this there" Dr. Burke spoke firmly.

"I'm sorry" she mumbled… and then she looked at Castle, and the tears came back like a storm. As she whispered another "I'm sorry" and covered her mouth and hurried into the doctors room.

All the while knowing that Castle eyes had been on her till she was out of sight.

* * *

><p>Castle stopped the car in front of her building. He sighed and then looked at the woman beside him.<br>"Christine, I'm sorry"

"I told you Rick. It's alright"

"I wish I could explain all of this to you in a better way"

"No, I get it"

"You do?"

"Yea, she's still in love with you. In fact, madly in love with you. She made that very clear to me tonight"

"you're being really understanding about this"

"Cause I can imagine what she's going through"

"Thank you… for not pressing charges. I don't know what it would have done to her job. She clearly wasn't thinking straight when she made that move."

"Hmmm"

there was an awkward silence between them. And then she said,  
>"I better get going"<p>

"Let me walk you to your door"

they got out of the car and walked to her door.  
>"I'm sorry, once again, that this didn't work out between us"<p>

"I should have seen it coming" she spoke with a sad smile.

"Did I make it too obvious to you that I was never really into it?"

"Let's just say I knew there was someone else on your mind all the time"

"So, take care of yourself."

"Goodnight Richard. And, all the best"

Christine got up on her toes and placed a soft kiss on Castle's cheek. It was the last time he was seeing her.

After everything that happened, Rick had explained to her how everything was just a mess right now, and how he still needed to sort out things. And so he couldn't be in a relationship with her. She was hurt. But she understood.

Castle walked back to his car. His head ached with the amount of things running through his mind. He leaned against the hood of his car for a while. Wiped his hand down his face. And then punched the car in anger.

"Kate!" he yelled out.

He then got into his car and drove. He just drove around the place for the next hour, giving himself time to think.

Kate was going crazy without him. He saw today what his absence in her life was doing to her. And to think that she saw another woman kissing him that way, and that's what caused that outbreak, that unleashing of a side of Kate that he had never seen before.

He was willing to bet that if no one stopped her, she would have physically assaulted Christine. Castle couldn't help but think about how his state would have been the same, if the roles were reversed. And she was right; he really hasn't given her the chance to talk to him, or to even see him ever since he was in the hospital.

Maybe they did need to talk. Maybe they just needed…

He didn't say it. Not even in his mind. He couldn't decide yet, just what they needed.

* * *

><p>When entered his office Kate was standing at the window, and from what he could see, she was crying.<p>

"I should be put in prison for that kind of behaviour" she said when she knew he was seated in his chair. She turned around and walked to the couch and sat.

"Do we need to talk about this today?" she said, hesitantly.

"No. but what I do need you to do is calm down"

"I know"

They sat in silence for a while. Until Kate stood up and said "I'm alright. I'll come see you tomorrow. If I'm not behind bars, that is."

And she walked out, still unable to process or believable whatever she had just done to Castle's new girlfriend.

She drove straight home.

Kate went straight to her bathroom, and opened the taps to fill her bathtub. She needed to just calm down and what better way, than soaking in her tub for a while. She took off her clothes and wrapped her robe around her as she waited for the tub to fill.

There was a knock on her door. She looked at her watch. 'An odd hour for anyone to be visiting' she thought. She went to the door, and on opening it, saw him. The man of the hour.

* * *

><p><strong>Reviews please :)<strong>


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle**

* * *

><p>Chapter 15<p>

"Kate, may I come in?"

The look on Kate's face was blank. She wasn't sure how to react.  
>But she moved away from the door way, allowing him to enter, and after he did, she closed the door. But didn't turn to him.<p>

"Okay. We need to talk" he said.

She laughed. And that surprised him.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

"Nothing. It's just, the last time it was me saying those words. And we all know where that led us"

Castle didn't say anything in reply. Instead, he waited for her to say something.

"Why are you here?"  
>She wasn't looking him in the eye.<p>

"I'm here to talk"

"About what?"

"I don't know. Maybe about whatever happened this evening!"

"Really? You're here to ask me for an explanation for my behaviour this evening?" she got louder.

"I don't know Kate! Somewhere in the course of your little stunt today, you said I was ignoring you. Well I'm here now. Tell me"

he spoke just as sternly as her. Both of them- too stubborn to let their walls fall.

"Tell you?! Fine! Castle, I made a mistake. I made a mistake and you were angry, I get it. I completely understand. And I deserved to be punished. I did."  
>Her voice began to break.<p>

"but Rick, you pushed me out of your life, you lost all touch with me, you got your family to keep me away from you, do you even know how much that hurts?!"

Somewhere during her statement, her anger turned into pure hurt, the tears began to roll down her skin again.  
>And the tough Castle that had entered her doorstep just minutes back, could feel his wall crumbling at the sight of her.<p>

"Kate…"

"Castle, I understand you were hurt, I understand you got tired of me pushing you out all the time. And I regret ever doing that to you… But Castle... I can't live without you, I need you"

And with that, she broke down. And Castle had to stop himself from running to her and pulling her to him, into his arms, into his embrace. Cause there were still so many things to be said.

"You were willing to leave me here, in NY and move to DC."

"I was crazy" she cried out.

"You didn't trust that I could be a part of your new life"

"I don't know what I was thinking..."

"You pushed me out more times than I can count in the last 4 years Kate, and so I had to do it to you once and for all."

"How can you do it? How can you live this way?"

Castle looked around for the first time since he had entered the apartment. There were bottles kept all around. She hadn't cleaned her apartment in days. It was a mess. And the sheets on the couch told him she'd been sleeping there and not in her bed.

"Kate, you've been drinking?"

"It was the only way I could distract myself when the pain wouldn't stop"

"What pain?" he had to ask.

"Don't be stupid Castle. You know what you are to me. Do you really think I'd just be okay with you pushing me out of your life? You really think all of this doesn't hurt?"

"Well, apparently, you thought that of me" he shot back!

"I made a mistake Castle! I fucking messed up again!" she yelled.

"What do you want me to do?!" he spoke in his loudest, angriest tone.

And then he saw it. There was a change in her demeanour. The wild, angry, tough Kate Beckett's resolve broke. Her face turned small.

"I did something that was totally not like me today when I attacked your girlfriend"

"About that…" he tried to interrupt but she stepped forward and continued.

"My next move is also something I don't usually do"

she was right in front of him now, tears streaming down her face. She looked into his eyes, and spoke.

"I don't know how you did it, I don't know how you managed to forget me, and move on, and even fall in love again, but I'm sure of one thing Castle, I'll never get over you. I have loved just once in my life and that love is you. I will never love again…"

and in the next second, she had fallen to her knees before him, "I'm sorry" she whispered between sobs. Castle was startled, his immediate reflexes making him hold her arms, and kneel down with her.

"What are you doing Kate?" he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm such a fail. Just please… forgive me. I need you Rick."

* * *

><p><strong>what do you think? :) Review please :)<strong>


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle**

* * *

><p>Chapter 16<p>

Castle couldn't take it anymore; he wrapped his arms around her, and pulled her to him. He tucked her head under his chin and gently rubbed his hand on her back, soothing her shaking form.

She was shivering. And Kate Beckett only ever shivered when she feared for a loved one. And those were rare moments.

"Shhh baby…" he soothed and kissed over her head.

He closed his eyes and felt a warm tear roll down his own cheek. He hadn't realized the moisture building in his eyes as she was speaking to him. But there was nothing more painful than seeing Kate crumble.

She sobbed into his shoulder. Bitterly crying out all her pain from the past few weeks she had spent without him near.

"Kate, please... you don't have to do any of this," he felt so bad when she got down on her knees, apologizing to him. He never ever wanted Kate to beg him for anything. And he felt horrible that she felt obligated to do it now.

"Look here" he whispered

she slowly looked up to him, her fists holding on tight to his shirt, like she was afraid to let him go, for fear she may never have this moment with him again. He placed his hands over hers and put his lips to her head for a long moment. And he immediately felt her shivering body calm down, but the tears never stopped. So he spoke into her skin

"I forgive you Kate... I do. Please don't hurt yourself this way. Please"

"Oh Castle" she said, and a new batch of sobs broke out. He hugged her again, tighter this time, knowing that the tighter he held her, the faster she'd calm down.

They stayed that way for a long while, until her hysterical sobs slowed down. He then pushed a stray hair away from her face and looked deep into her eyes. There was a moment she thought if he would just lean in let their lips touch, everything would be okay. But then…

all of a sudden she pulled away and got up..

Kate?" he called out

"You shouldn't be here Castle… your girlfriend... she's probably waiting."

"Kate."

"I wanted you to forgive me…"

"Is that all you wanted of me?"

"No. but it doesn't matter now"

She turned around, not willing to face him.

"Kate. Tell me! Will you?!" he urged.

"What does it matter? You're with someone else now. You've moved on from me. There's no reason for you to take me back"

and then he said softly.  
>"I never let you go in the first place"<p>

Kate turned around and looked at him. He was still kneeling on the floor.  
>He got up then and slowly walked towards her.<p>

"I tried to move on; I'm not going to lie to you. But the truth is, my heart was never in it. I was never able to see Christine the way she wanted me too... cause I was always thinking about you."

"How long..." Kate began to ask.

"I've been seeing her for the past week."

Kate looked down at the ground. The image of that woman with Castle at the coffee shop was imprinted into her mind.

"You took her to coffee" she stated matter-of-factly.

"Yea. I did and… Wait." Castle looked at her in confusion. "How do you know…?"

"I was at the café when you brought her there"

"Oh... Kate, I'm so sorry…" he was standing before her now.

She didn't say a word.

"We're not together anymore"

"what? Did she break up with you because of..."

"Yes"

"I'm so…"

"Kate stop it!"

"Castle..."

"I know, okay? I know! It hurt to see me with someone else. And I'm sorry you had to see that."

She looked up at him.

"You kissed her"

"technically, she kissed me."

Kate sighed and walked aside.

He followed her and then she spoke  
>"what are we doing Rick?"<p>

"Procrastinating" he replied.  
>She looked up at him and in the next moment, a tiny smile donned her lips.<p>

"I was wondering if I'll ever get to see that smile again."

"You're getting there" there was silence then and she moved closer to him  
>"What now?"<p>

"May I take you to coffee tomorrow morning?"

"You're asking me out on a date?"

"It's a new start"

"Yes. I would love to. But not the same café, please."

"Definitely not".

They both smiled then and just looked into each other's eyes.  
>"I'm sorry I put you through all of this" he said<p>

"I've put you through worse. And I deserved it every bit of pain."

He thought for a moment and said "Touché"

she hit him playfully, and he leaned down and locked his lips with hers. And she slowly surrendered into his embrace. His lips moved smoothly against hers, eliciting feelings in her she thought she would never feel again. She melted into him as his hands roamed her back and played in her hair, his tongue sought entrance into her mouth and she let him.

Because this was what they both needed. That connection.

She moaned into his lips and he smiled. His hands began to get more adventurous then and his kiss more passionate. She devoured his lips and tongue for all it's worth and when his hand wandered down over her lower back, she at once knew where this was headed. She pushed forward into him and that's when she felt it. His arousal, pressing through his jeans against her. He moaned breathlessly and then suddenly pulled away.

"Why are you naked under the robe? Were you expecting me?"

She spoke breathlessly "No, I wasn't. I was getting ready to soak in my bathtub for a few hours"

"well, you already are soaking" he wiggled his eye brows at her

she laughed. Then she kissed him again, this time slowing it down.  
>And this time when they pulled away he asked<p>

"May I have the pleasure of soaping you up in that hot tub you've got ready?"

"I thought you'd never ask"

* * *

><p><strong>The end :)<strong>

**Not really, I'm just pulling your leg :P**  
><strong>there's still some more things they need to sort out :) More to come soon :)<strong>

**Please leave me a review :) would like to know what you think :)**


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle**

**AN: So guys, here's the next update :) hope you like it :)**  
><strong>I apologize for all grammatical errors :(<strong>  
><strong>and also, I was supposed to post these chapters three days ago :O but the site wasn't cooperating :( Anywho, read on and let me know what you think. ;)<strong>

* * *

><p>Chapter 17<p>

She took off her clothes as he watched from the tub. He was already seated inside, leaning back against the head of the tub.

He watched her with eyes of lust as she untied the tie of her robe and pushed it off her shoulders. It dropped to the ground behind her with a soft thud. And Castle's eyes fixed on to her glorious naked form.

It felt just like the first time he saw her. Her cream skin, so tempting and touchable. Her body reacted immediately to the cool air of the room and he stared at her.

It was like watching the sunset; it calmed you, and yet awoke something in you that takes over every other sense. It was beauty at its peak. And he loved this beauty before him.

She stepped closer to the tub. And he tried to say something, but all words left his mind when he gazed upon those two beautiful legs that he'd always loved and respected. His eyes stayed glued to them as she stepped into the water, standing between his legs, looking back at him with those sultry eyes, and she lowered herself into the water, sitting between his legs and then leaning back to rest against his chest...

The water hugged her skin, caressing her with love.. And Castle wished he had the privilege they had, to be all around her, all at once, to know every bit of her, to touch every cell on her skin and just be there.

Castle had to take a moment to absorb everything before he let his hands touch her. He could feel her melt onto him. This beauty, his woman, lying against him was breathing softly and he felt her heartbeats resound through her back to his chest.

He slowly moved her hair over one of her shoulders to gain access to that long neck. And she closed her eyes as his lips descended on the said skin to worship it. He placed small butterfly kisses all over her skin at first and then went on to suck lightly on her pulse point.

He waited till he heard her appreciation and then began to move his lips up to her ear. He nipped at it lightly, while his hands had wandered down to her waist, exploring the expanse of her skin... Leaving her restless for more of his touch. The more he teased, the more restless she got and She felt his hear beat race against her back.

"I missed this. I missed you" he whispered at her ear

And she turned her head a little, raising her hand out of the water to angle his head towards hers, and she kissed him, slow, long and sweet.. Tasting him like he was her favourite desert, which he was.

Castle sought entrance into her mouth, probing his tongue and she willingly let him.

But she also didn't have a choice cause his hand was now massaging her breast and Kate's lips had parted on a moan. He grabbed that opportunity among other things and invaded her mouth, making her feel just how much he had missed this.

She guided his hand lower down her torso, until it reached her core and the minute she felt his touch, she couldn't concentrate on the kiss any more.. She pulled away to stare into his baby blues. And he explored her underwater. His talented fingers doing what they do best, telling a story. He did that through the act of pleasing her.

And just the thought of having those very same fingers, the ones that wrote endlessly about her, touch her in such sinful ways, set a fire ablaze in her.

He began kissing her neck again. This time sucking hard on her delicate skin. And all of those sensations running through her brought her to the edge... So close to where she wanted to be. And if he would just move his fingers towards...

even before she could finish that thought, his hand moved back up, above the surface of the water! And she moaned his name out loud... More in frustration now, than pleasure!

"What the hell Castle!" she asked and turned a bit to look at him... But all he did was smile. He took the loofa she had kept aside and poured a few drops of her body wash onto it. She watched him intently.

"Relax Kate. Please" and she did. She leaned back against him. He then began to gently move the loofa across her skin... Starting with her shoulders... Then along her hands... She closed her eyes and allowed him this...

Her senses were on high alert. She could feel so much... Especially how his already hard member was pressed against her back, growing more impatient with every new region of her he soaped. She moved a little against him, and he had to stop for a moment, just to get some control back... He was being so patient.

And Kate couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with the significance of it all. He was washing her off all the dirt and grime of the day. He was washing her of all her hurt and pain cleansing her and forgiving her. While at the same time leaving a coating of pure love on her skin. And when the loofa and his hand reached her breasts, she closed her eyes and rested her head back on his shoulder.

He circled around each of them... And then over them.. And he heard her gasp. And somewhere under water, he let go of the loofa, choosing to soap her up with his hands.. He tweaked her nipples, causing her to bite down on her lip.. And when she arched her lower body upwards in response to a squeeze.. He knew he had her where he wanted...

"You're extraordinary Kate"

"Oh... Castle... Don't stop"

And once again, she guided his hand down between her legs, but this time she wouldn't let him go, for fear he may leave her hanging off the edge of her pleasure again.

So she guided his fingers to touch her the way she liked. He already knew the paths. But he always loved to follow her lead. He loved it when she took charge and told him what to do

"oh... Just like that"

Kate knew she was close and also sure as hell she didn't want to do this without him. And so she turned and crawled over him until her face was inches apart from his. Her hand was underwater and Castle wasn't really sure where exactly.

When he suddenly felt her hand fisting him, he let his head fall back.. His hands holding on tight to the rims of the tub! And he shut his eyes tight. "Fuck! KATE!"  
>She smiled that mischievous smile of hers and said "You like that Ricky?"<p>

"baby... you know it... Now get over here'

He ordered. And she listened. She angled him to her entrance and he watched with pure lust. But just before she could lower herself onto him, he noticed a little hesitancy in her. Just a flicker of it across her eyes.

He held her waist and made her sit on his thighs.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

* * *

><p><strong>Reviews :)<strong>


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle**

* * *

><p>Chapter 18<p>

"Nothing... Let's just..." she rose up again. But he stopped her

"no Kate. Wait. Tell me"

He didn't care that this interruption had ruined the build-up. He just wanted to know why she hesitated.

"Castle..." she spoke seriously.

"Did you sleep with her?"

Castle looked at how unsure she was and it surprised him. She really was asking that question. She really didn't know just what place she holds in his life.

"Kate..."

"just tell me if you did Castle. I don't need to know details."

"I'm not giving you details..."

"That means you did sleep with her" she said in a voice so shaky it scared Castle. And she seemed like she was just going to walk away from him.

"Kate!" he said firmly and held on to her shoulders.  
>She looked at him. Tears waiting to fall from her eyes.<p>

"I've been to her place for dinner, but that's all. The last person I remember sleeping with was a detective name Katherine Beckett..."

"Did you ever take Christine to the loft?"

"Never. She's only made it to the lobby of the building" he laughed.

And her face immediately broke out into a smile. And Castle pulled her in for a passionate kiss, showing her just how much he loved her.

Without letting their foreheads separate, Kate asked at his lips, "so this detective, Katherine Beckett... what's she like in bed?"

"Im sorry... I don't kiss and tell"

she hit him playfully across the chest and he laughed.

"Well I have my ways of making you talk" she said, while naughtily tracing the line of his jaw.

"You do?"

"mm hmmm" she hummed as her face lowered down to his Adams apple.

A low rumble rose from his chest and she felt it vibe against her lips. His hands found her waist again.

"Getting this show back on the road ha?" he asked.

"Sit back and enjoy the show sir, mind you. I've heard the finale is mind blowing."

And that was the last time her lips left his skin before she kissed and nipped and sucked her way down to his chest, massaging his broad expanses of skin with lips that dripped with lust. Her mouth was sinful against him. And it never failed to impress.

She had great skills underwater and Rick Castle was always grateful to whoever taught her to hold her breath under water for so long. Her mouth worked him up like a pro and she knew just the right ways to make him swear.

And just when she knew he was close, she returned to her position above him and slowly and dangerously slid down on him. They both needed a moment. To feel; before they begun anything. It had been so long. And the feeling of each other, one so filling, and the other so enveloping that it overwhelmed them.

Kate was breathing hard against his ear. And she said between breaths "I love you Rick"

"I love you more Kat..."  
>she began to move... And he lost control over speech. Just the same effect she always had on him.<p>

The water around them began to splash and most of it was flowing out of the tub with every move she made above him, and when he began to meet her every thrust. The water around them was as frenzied as their erratically beating hearts.

"Ahhh... Cas..."

She was close  
>And so was he<p>

She bit down on his ear and he took it as motivation

"come on.." he urged with a harder thrust into her.

"Yes yes... Oh yes" she moaned.

And just as her walls closed in around him to let go of all control, he let go too.  
>And they both came together... In a mess of moans, and whispered names, sounds that were too sinful to be made and tangled limbs in a tub of water that was once as warm as the heat from sun.<p>

And now as she rested against him, the water seemed cool against their heated bodies. The whole point of a bath was lost because here they were, needing another shower.

She chuckled. And he asked. "What?"

"we need a shower"

"there's no point. I'm motivated by jealousy, to do you, when I see water touch you"

Kate kissed over his heart. "That's so sweet" she said

And then he continued  
>"and speaking of jealousy... Your actions earlier today were cause of Jealousy, I'm sure you will admit"<p>

"I will do no such thing" she argued, her palm on his chest, looking him straight in the eyes with a smile so smug.

"I am a first-hand witness Detective. How can you deny it? You held that woman by her collar and threw her to the ground, only to pin her down and come so close to hitting the daylights out of her"

"I'm not denying that I did it"

"but your denying that it was a result of jealousy?" he teased. And that's what he thought they were doing. Teasing. Until

"I wasn't jealous okay" she spoke loudly and seriously, and then she rose up to her feet, got out of the tub and wrapped a towel around herself

"Kate..." he tried calling her back.

But she just walked

* * *

><p><strong>Reviews? :) <strong>


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle**

* * *

><p>Chapter 19<p>

"Kate, listen..." he quickly got up, wiped himself a bit with a towel, and then wrapped it around his waist and followed.

"Kate..."

"Don't talk to me"

"You didn't let me finish"

she finally turned around to face him "Fine... Finish what you got to say. I'm sure you've got some more lines up your sleeve to tease me with" she deadpanned.

He stepped closer and she couldn't help but feel the warmth in her, growing hungrier from looking at him wearing nothing but a towel and a smile, his hair, wet, and then there was that drop of water that dripped down from his hair onto his neck and down his chest.  
>And she couldn't get her eyes off of it. She wondered how it wasn't evaporating off his skin.<p>

She so badly wanted to kiss him there and drink that tiny drop off of him. She was brought back to reality when he said "did you hear what I just said?"

"huh? No sorry, what?"

He laughed and said "I think you're really hot when you're jealous"

"oh please"

"I'm serious Kate," he stepped closer to her.

"watching you slap another woman across her face, then throw her to the ground and almost hit her, just cause she kissed me, Totally turns me on"

"Cas.."

"don't castle me..." he said sexily as he put his arm around her and pulled her against him,

"I was this close to picking you off of Christine and pushing you up against burkes door to fuck you"

"that good ha?" she teased, with a roll of her hips against him

"there's just something really hot about you getting possessive about me"

"She was kissing you.. She was kissing lips that are mine. I needed to show her who's boss" she said and kissed him with all her strength.

Castle pulled away to say  
>"you did... And you did it damn well too"<p>

and she locked her lips with his again. Kissing with more fervour and possessiveness  
>"she had her arms around you... And I was almost certain she was trying to make you feel more than a kiss"<p>

this time Rick clashed his lips against hers.  
>He could feel her anger rising as she recalled the incident.<p>

She pulled away again to say "She thought she could have this"

And that's when Kate pulled his towel off of him and threw it behind her. She took a step behind and then jumped onto him. Winding her long sleek legs around him and her arms around his neck. And she ground herself against his already hardened member.

She bit into his neck, not just once, but a number of times. Marking him. Pure animal instinct taking over.

And every bite, every little mark her teeth left on his skin, got him even more turned on. He finally walked her to her bed and put her down, he crawled above her and said, "I'm all yours Kate... Always"

And then, as if the inner animal in him had been released from its cage, And Kate was even willing to bet she heard something like a roar erupt from deep in his chest, he pushed her legs apart and lowered his face to her glistening wet core..  
>And call it animal instinct or what, but he sure knew how to release her inner beast.<p>

Kate writhed on the bed at the mercy of his oh so talented lips and tongue.

She always knew his mouth was gifted, and every time he went down on her, it stood testimony to that fact. And now, after this long dry spell in their relationship, every little touch heightened her want and desire to be one with him, to make him hers, to feel that connection. And oh, it was working just fine.

When Kate pulled him back up to lay beside her, Castle had a smug smile on his face. And she wanted to kiss him senseless. But this moment was just so beautiful. And she wanted to live in it forever.

She snuggled into his arms and said "Thank you"

He chuckled "Are you thanking me for going down on you?"

"You're really good at it" she played along, talking directly to his chest.

"So I've been told"

She bit his skin

"owwww"

"I was saying thank you for being here. For taking me back"

He lifted her face up to look at him.

"Hey, you're beautiful... And you're everything to me"

She smiled. And he couldn't resist. His lips had a thing for Kate Beckett's smile. He leaned down and started a kiss that went on and on... And even made them lose track of time. They were lost together in a world of love, a world that they had banned themselves from the day they fought and were now allowed to explore again. And what was more important was that they were lost together.

Somewhere in the middle of the night Castle's phone began to ring. It woke both of them up and Castle reached across from Beckett to get it.

"Who is it?" she mumbled.

Castle eyes took time to adjust to the light blinking on his phone  
>"It's Alexis"<br>he picked the call soon

And Kate became more alert when she heard him say it was his daughter. Panic began to grow in her.

* * *

><p><strong>Leave me a review please :)<strong>


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle**

* * *

><p>Chapter 20<p>

Castle sat up and spoke. And Kate sat too.

"Hey pumpkin"

"yea. Yea... I'm sorry. I should've told you."  
>Kate placed her hand on his back.<p>

"Yea. I'm... I'm at Kate's"

There was a long pause then and Kate wondered what she must be saying to him. But maybe she wasn't saying anything at all.

"Yea. We'll talk when I'm home tomorrow okay?"

"good night pumpkin. I love you" he said with the sweetest smile on his face.

He ended the call and kept the phone aside.

He turned back around and found Kate nibbling on her little finger.

"What did she say?"

Castle scooted back to Sit beside her, with his back against the backrest. He put his arm around her and kissed her temple and said

"she was just worried cause she came home and found me missing, that's all"

"Castle, What did she say when you mentioned me?"

"Kate.."

"you don't need to hide it from me.. Just tell me... We both know she doesn't see me in the same light that she used to. And I deserve it after everything I've put her father through"

"Kate, Stop it. You don't deserve that. You may have gone down a few wrong roads, but they were for all the right reasons." he explained

"she doesn't see it that way Rick. What did she say?"

"she didn't say anything."

"nothing?"

"hmmm... She just asked if I'll be back home in the morning. I said yea. And I told her we'd talk"

"oh... Okay" Kate said. And looked down at her hands resting on the covers.

"Come on. Why don't we lie down again"

She shook her head and laid back down, facing the other way, and Castle crowded against her back, spooning her. His arm around her, warm, protective and possessive. She played with the tiny hairs on his hand. He breathed the smell of her hair in... And smiled.

He couldn't believe that he was willing to give this up. This woman, so beautiful, so strong, so fit for a throne, and he was going to give her up. It all sounded ridiculous now.

He placed soft kisses against the back of her neck. She was startled at first. But then she didn't mind. Castle began tracing tiny drawings on her waist. But she stopped him, took his hand in hers and said "Castle, not now okay. I'm sorry... I'm just... not in the mood"

Rick began to worry now; he raised his head up on his hand and tugged at her shoulder  
>"Babe, is everything alright?"<p>

Kate sighed and then turned to face him.  
>"What if Alexis asks you to stay away from me?"<p>

"Kate, where is this coming from?"

"Castle don't act so ignorant. We both know that there are chances she'll tell you not to see me again, because whether you like it or not, I'm the reason for all your hurt."

"Kate, don't say that"

"but that's not even the point. Just answer my question"

"Kate, why would she give me an ultimatum like that?"

"What will you do?!" Kate insisted.

"Kate, I don't know how Alexis is going to react... But I'm not letting you go. If that means we have to talk to her and make her understand why we work, then we'll do that. Alexis loves me. And I love her. I'm sure she'll understand."

Kate shook her head.

"She's been so worried for me Kate... You should've have seen the way she'd run about for me when I just got back from the hospital"

And the guilt came as soon as the words left his mouth  
>"I'm sorry."<p>

"it's alright"

"No Kate, you must have gone through hell after that blast, especially after I pushed you away."

"Rick, I just wish I was given the chance to take care of you. You were broken. Physically and emotionally, and I wanted to be there... When you woke up in the middle of the nights, when you had to go for therapy sessions, when you just needed someone's company. I mean I know you had Alexis... But i..."

"I know... I'm sorry."

Kate shook her head and said.  
>"Don't apologize"<p>

"you're here now. And I'm not going to let you go. You're stuck with me"

She smiled that bright smile of hers, and bit her tongue between her teeth, the way she always does and said "That could work" she leaned in to kiss him.

But just when they're lips were about to meet Castle spoke

"But wait... Kate... Let's take this back a second. I want to know, how, out of all the therapists in NY City, I ended up going to yours, and secondly, how is it that you've never mentioned to me who your therapist was"

Kate laughed. "Well, to answer your second question first, the topic never arose about who I was going to for therapy. So I never told you. And well, about your first question, I'm surprised you haven't figured it out yourself"

She chuckled but he still seemed clueless.

"When you were in the operation room, Alexis lost her cool. And she said a few things to me that she regretted later"

"yea... She told me about that"

"well, she took me by surprise one day when she knocked on my door. She had cone to apologize for everything she had said. But she wouldn't tell me how you were doing"

"I'm sorry... She..."

"no I get it. But before she left, I gave her Burke's card and told her that you might begin to show signs of PTSD and to not ignore it when it surfaces"

Kate looked up at Castle. And he was just staring at her with eyes of love and awe.

"What?" she asked.

"even after I asked you to stay out of my life, you still found your way to care for me"

"I didn't do much Castle"

"Oh but you did. Kate, the therapy helped me a lot. My nightmares have reduced, I go out more, and I don't get startled by loud noises. It's all cause of therapy that you recommended."

"Yea but..."

"And most importantly, Therapy with burke is what brought me back to you"

Kate smiled at that. It was true.  
>Castle cradled her face in his hands and kissed her like there was no tomorrow.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So that's the update :) What do you think? :) Don't forget to hit the review button and leave me your opinion :)<br>There's more to come, soon :)**


	21. Chapter 21

**AN: Hi guys! Firstly, I am so sorry for leaving you guys for so long :( I had some major stuff going on at college and then my exams came around and now they're finally over. my summer vacation has begun :) **  
><strong>yipeee. Okay, enough procrastination. Here's Chapter 21 :)<strong>

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle**

* * *

><p>Chapter 21<p>

"Come home with me tomorrow"

"no." she hesitated...

"Don't..."

"I can't just stroll into the loft that way"

"why not Kate? You're my girlfriend!"  
>"Castle."<p>

"I won't take no for an answer. You're coming home"

"Castle!" she yelled and pushed his hand away from her face. She got up from the bed and walked to the window.

"Kate... Come back to bed.." he pleaded

She turned around  
>"I'm not coming to the loft tomorrow"<p>

"why not?"

"I'm not going to just barge in on Alexis and make her feel obligated to accept me .. No. I can't do that. If Alexis doesn't want me home. I'm not one to upset her"

"You know what!? Fine"

Castle laid down quickly, pulled the cover over him and turned his back to her

"Castle?" her demeanour changed. She had no intention to upset him. A sudden pain arose in her heart to think that they were fighting again. No she wouldn't let that happen again.

She ran, ran back to bed and tapped him "Rick... Rick... Listen"

But he didn't respond.

She laid down close behind him and spoke, her voice shaky and broken.

"I... I'm scared... I'm scared that she won't let me see you... That she'll be completely against us getting back together."

He still didn't respond. He had turned as stubborn as her.  
>She kissed his back. "I want this Castle. I want us"<p>

That's when he turned to her and said  
>"then come with me tomorrow."<p>

She nodded. And he held her tight in his arms. "Don't worry. I promise you, I won't let you go"

It was morning, and Castle turned the key in the door of the loft and let Kate in through first. She seemed so hesitant and Castle hated it.

"Hey" he said softly to her, "It's going to be alright"  
>she smiled softly at him and nodded.<p>

Castle then walked ahead into the loft to find Alexis cooking herself up some breakfast. He went up to her and kissed her on the forehead.  
>"Good morning pumpkin"<p>

"hi dad" she said with a smile that wasn't really convincing.

"Kate's come home with me"

Alexis looked up and around but didn't see the detective.  
>"Alexis, I know we need to talk, and most of what we talk about involves her. And I just want that we include her in this 'talk'"<p>

"I don't understand what we have to talk about. You've clearly already made a decision to throw your life away"

"That's unfair pumpkin. Why don't you just hear her out okay? I'm not throwing my life away. You're too precious to me."

Alexis said nothing.

"Just please honey…"

"Fine" she gave in. "I'll be right there"

Castle went back to the living room to find Kate seated on the couch browsing through something on her phone. He came and sat beside her and placed his hand on her knee. The warmth made her feel better.  
>Alexis walked in next and Kate said "hey"<p>

"Hey Kate"

"It's nice to see you after so long"

"I'm not sure I can say the same thing"

"Alexis!" Castle scolded.

"No, Rick, its fine" Kate told him.

""What dad? I'm being frank"

"Alexis. I love your dad" Kate said, and Castle squeezed her hand lightly in his.

"Yea, we all saw just how much"

Kate was beginning to have a bad feeling about this. And she was already losing all hope that the young girl would accept her.

"You know what? You're right"

Alexis now looked at her directly.

"You're right. I don't deserve it. I don't know why I'm here" Kate said, as she stood up.

Castle panicked  
>"Kate? Wait? What?"<p>

Alexis' demeanour seemed to change too. She was suddenly confused.

"I'm sorry Castle. I need to go" she began to walk away, towards the door.

"Wait!" said Alexis as stood.

Kate stopped. But didn't turn around.

"That's it? I thought you wanted to talk"

"I do. But I can't if you've already decided you don't want to hear me out, if you won't let me convince you that I've changed."

"Dad, can you leave us alone for a few minutes"  
>Alexis asked Castle out of the blue and he hesitated but then left to go to his study.<p>

"Alexis, everything I did before this, every move I made that hurt your dad, I regret all of it. If I could turn back time and do it all over I would, because I've made some nasty mistakes in my life and he has had the brunt of it. I've hurt him severely and I will never forgive myself for that, even if he says he does."

She paused then, and came and sat beside Alexis. She carefully took her hand in hers and said,

"I can't undo the things I've said and done. But I'm asking for a chance to be better. I love your dad more than my life and now I'm comfortable admitting it to myself and moving forward from there. I've learned to stop running away from it, and I believe I can be a changed person now that I've come to accept that"

"What guarantee do I have that you won't hurt him again, that you won't leave him the way you did?"

"You don't. I can't guarantee that we won't fight or argue and hurt each other in the process. Because that's inevitable with the people you love the most. But what I can guarantee you is that I'm not letting him go. I'm not making that stupid mistake again.

Alexis just looked down at their hands. The girl was lost in her thoughts and Kate wished so much that she could read her mind.

"What are you thinking?" she asked.

Alexis then looked up at her and spoke,

"He was so hurt. He would try to hide his drinks, but every time I would leave his room, he'd drink some more, I knew it. He was in pain, so much pain, and everything I tried; I just couldn't get him to get over you."  
>A tear rolled down her cheek and Kate's heart ached.<p>

"I knew he was always thinking about you, and that was what caused him all that pain, and he was throwing his health away, mourning the fact that you guys were not together. So yes, I blame you for everything that he went through, and for everything you put me through…"

"Alexis... I'm so..."

"No Kate listen, even after all of this, even as I tried to get him to move on, I knew deep down that this could only be fixed by you. And when I came to see you that day, to apologize for my behaviour at the hospital, I saw that you were in almost the same state as my dad."

"I'm sorry you had to see me that way... I was..."

"I know..."

Alexis then quickly wiped at her cheeks that were decorated with tears and said,

"I guess I was really angry with you, but I've come to realize of late that he needs you so bad. He's just not the same without you. But my only fear, the only thing that stops me from letting you in, is the fact that you may leave again. So yes Kate, if you can promise me that you won't leave…"

"Alexis, without a doubt... I'm assuring you, I'm never leaving his side ever again. I've wasted so much time running and I'm tired. I just want to be here now."

There was a small smile on the younger woman's face now as she nodded, and it was contagious.

"So you forgive me?"

"I do" and her arms quickly embraced the detective.  
>"And I'm sorry I've been so rude to you. It was all purely a result of the angst in me since the explosion"<p>

Kate was touched by the gesture. She truly loved Alexis and she hated that she had made the girl so unsure of her.

"Everything's alright now."

when Alexis pulled away she simply looked at the detective and said "The entire time that dad was recovering, every time things got hard for me to handle, or it all just became too much, there was a part in my mind that wanted me to call you. But then the part of me that was so angry with you would win over and I'd just hate you more.

But honestly Kate, I wish I had been more mature."

"Honey, no one expects you to think maturely in a situation like that. All of us need someone in times like these. And it hurts me to think that you did all of this on your own, I mean I know Martha was with you, but it's different to be a daughter after your father. Trust me, I've had that experience and I know how hard it can get. I wish I was here with you."

"That was my fault. I kept you away. And to think now, that dad's well-being was just a call away and I ignored that idea"

"You had every right to feel like shunning me out."

"Well, I'm not now." she said with a smile.

"Thank you. For this chance."

"No, please don't. Just don't leave us"

Kate didn't miss the use of 'us' and it awakened a love within her that she didn't know she had. She felt lighter now, like the entire world had been taken off her shoulders.

* * *

><p><strong>Reviews please :) would love to hear from you guys again :)<strong>


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

* * *

><p>"Can I get out of here now?" they heard Castle call out from inside.<p>

Kate laughed.

"Yes dad" she called out.

He hurried out. And Alexis just got up from the couch gracefully and walked back into the kitchen. But not before lightly squeezing Kate's knee and saying "I made you coffee"

"What? What happened?" Castle asked.

"She's a gem" Kate admitted.

"Tell me something I don't know" he said smugly as he walked over to her. She stood up and linked her arms around his neck. He placed his hands on her waist.

"So I'm guessing everything went alright?"

"Yes. Yes it did."

"Aren't you going to tell me?"

"Nope" she kissed his nose and walked towards the kitchen.

"Wait" he protested.

"Sorry castle, your daughter made me coffee, what did you do ha?"

"I... uh... I... Hey! Wait up"

and he followed her lead.

After the three of them were done with breakfast, the air was so much lighter between all of them. Alexis was finally herself around Kate and Castle was so relieved all that tension had vanished.

"I better get going. I have to be at the precinct in an hour. Gotta go home and change"

"You could change here. You're clothes are here too." Castle said while taking the last sip of his coffee.

Alexis and Kate exchanged a look.

"No dad. You sent all of her stuff back to her, remember?" his daughter reminded him.

And the sudden reminder of that made bile rise in his throat. He stopped for a moment and slapped himself internally. Firstly for forgetting what he had done, then for the fact that he had lost hope in them and sent her stuff back. He then looked up at Kate and he couldn't help but cringe at the thought of what she must have gone through when those men dropped off boxes of her clothes and things at her doorstep; all of the stuff, that little by little, had become part of his room, his loft, his home.

"I'm sorry... I" he tried to undo his slip.

"No... It's alright" Kate assured. "I better get going"

"Let me come with you"

"Where are you coming?"

"To the precinct"

Kate's eyes quickly shifted to Alexis, whose face was now showing signs of discomfort at the idea of her dad going to the precinct.

"No"

"No?" castle questioned.

"No. castle, I'm not letting you follow me around, not until you've fully recovered"

"There's nothing wrong with me, I'll be fine"

"Dad..." Alexis tried too.

"Listen Rick... I'm not taking any chances with your health."

"But Kate."

"No buts." She then stepped closer to him.

"Don't worry. I'll be alright. And I'm not going anywhere."

"So you're coming back here after work right?"

At this, Kate took a moment, and looked over Castle's shoulder at Alexis, and the young girl smiled softly at her.

"Only if you'll have me." she told him.

And he smiled that smile that her lips could not resist.  
>She kissed him fervently and with a passion that he reciprocated.<p>

"Okay, that's enough. Young teenage daughter in the room!" Alexis called out from behind.  
>And Castle made a face for being interrupted but Kate just laughed.<p>

She said bye to Alexis with a hug.  
>"Dad and I will prepare something special for you for dinner. Don't be late"<p>

"I won't. You two have fun. Call me... if at all…"

"I know... don't worry" Alexis squeezed Kate's hands in a gesture of assurance that they were okay now.

Kate walked to the front door with her writer at her heel.  
>"Bring a change of work clothes along with you, so you can leave from here tomorrow." he said.<br>And she looked at him questiongly.  
>He took a deep breath.<p>

"I hate myself for sending your stuff back. I wish I hadn't done it"

"Oh Rick. You had a reason for doing it. I drove you to it."

"Never-the-less, we now have to start all over again"

"why are you sad about that?"

"You're not?"

"She chuckled "Of course not. If I have to start again and do things right this time around, I'll do it happily and with all my heart. Cause this time, I'm not making any mistakes. This time, I'm getting it all right"

He smiled again and leaned in to kiss her beautiful lips.  
>"You're extraordinary, you know that?"<p>

"Eh, I've been told" she teased.  
>They kissed some more. They had both clearly missed this, and they were going to take every chance they could to make up for the lost kisses.<p>

"Hmmmm. Thank you." She said as an afterthought

"For what?"

"For loving me just as much as I love you."

"Always." He promised.

* * *

><p><strong>well, what do you think? leave me a review :)<strong>


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle**

**AN: Hey everyone, it's been a long while since I've updated this, but I've been hit with inspiration again :) so here it goes :) i hope you guys are still with me. I sincerely apologize for being away so long. All mistakes are mine.**

* * *

><p>Chapter 23<p>

Kate went home after work that day only to pack a small bag of the clothes she may need for work the next day. It had been a good day at the precinct. She was able to concentrate on the work at hand, she was more alert, and didn't seem as lost as she had the past few weeks. And all of this change, only because of a certain writer in her life. She was actually smiling more, talking more, and it was pretty evident to everyone, that overnight, something may have happened. And everyone suspected it must be Castle. They were all too prepared to see him at the precinct soon, sitting at his chair beside her desk, and keeping Detective Kate Beckett on her toes.

She reached the loft and was greeted by a delicious aroma from the kitchen.

"Whatever you guys are cooking, it smells heavenly" she said out loud.

Alexis smiled at her dad. He replied

"It has to, I'm cooking for angels tonight"

"Ewww... that's the cheesiest I've heard from you"

"Trust me Alexis, I've heard worse" Kate told her.

"Well, I can't fight you there" Alexis said, and then came and sat on a stool beside Kate.

"That's not fair, you guys can't just start teaming up against me all over again"

"Why not?" Kate asked with a smirk

"Because…" he didn't have an excuse.

"I'm wounded. I shouldn't be bullied"

"Alright dad, I won't bully you"

"That's like my girl"

Kate picked out a grape from the fruit bowl there and popped it into her mouth,

"What about you?"

"What about me?" she asked, with a naughty smile.

"Promise you won't bully me"

"I'm your girlfriend"

"So?"

"So I'm allowed to"

"She has a point dad" Alexis said with a little laughter in her tone.

"See! Again, you're teaming up against me" Castle said.

"Okay Castle," Kate said "I promise I won't bully you in front of your daughter"

"But…"

"Take it or leave it dad" Alexis added.

"Fine" he accepted, but then smiled to himself. He liked this, whatever they were doing, the three of them in his home, their home.

"Speaking of teaming up, Alexis, I needed to do some shopping this weekend, would you like to join me?" Kate wasn't looking directly at her, she wasn't even sure what made her ask, but something in her suddenly felt brave after their little teasing session, and she really wanted to spend some more time with her, Alexis was a smart young adult, and Kate wanted to show her that they could have a good relationship. She feared maybe Alexis still had hard feelings about whatever had gone down between them, and she just wanted to clear out all that awkwardness, and an outing alone with the girl would do just that.

Castle looked at Alexis, and back at Kate, and realized from her body language, she was unsure what answer she'd get from the teen.

Alexis looked at her and said "Sure, I'd love to"

Kate looked up at her and smiled. Genuinely. She felt glad about it. It was going to be a good weekend.

Castle smiled to himself. He knew for a fact, Alexis had plans for the weekend. And to think that she had completely cancelled them off in her head, just to spend time with Kate meant something. He'd talk to her about it later though. They were having a nice moment right now.

Dinner was nice, Martha had joined the too, and Kate found that it had been a while since she had smiled this much. She missed this, she loved this, and she couldn't believe she had almost given up all of this. A chance at having this family to call her own.

After dinner, she excused herself to go take a shower and since she knew she wouldn't see Martha and Alexis until the next morning, she wished them good night and then disappeared into Castle's room.

Martha too said goodnight to father and daughter and retired for the night. Castle and Alexis were now doing the dishes and so he thought it was a good moment to bring up the topic about the weekend.

"What happened to your weekend party plans?"

Alexis laughed.

"I decided they seemed dull in comparison to what Kate was offering"

"Really? So you're looking forward to spending time with Kate?"

She stopped what she was doing and turned to him

"You must think I'm crazy, ditching a party to shop, But I think, we'll have a good time. I've missed her dad. We never really got to spend a lot of time together ever since you guys admitted your feelings for each other, and if she's going to be a part of our lives, I want to get to know her better. And I think we'll have a lot of fun"

Castle kissed her on her forehead and said "Thank you pumpkin"

"She's missed you too. But if she ever found out you cancelled your plans for her, she'll change her plans"

"She doesn't have to know dad, you won't tell her, will you?"

"I won't, I promise"

Castle felt proud of his daughter. She was acting maturely. She wanted to spend time with Kate, and that made him feel good. With everything that had just happened in his relationship with Kate, they had taken quite a few steps back when it came to reaching a point where they'd commit to spending the rest of their lives together. But he knew, someday, he would call her his wife and apparently, Alexis knew it too.

Castle walked back into his study, closed the door, and walked in through his wall made of books into his bedroom. He found Kate sitting on the bed in his bathrobe, she seemed lost in thought.

"Kate, is everything alright?"

She was brought out of her thoughts when she heard his voice.

"Uhh, yea, Castle, I forgot to bring something to wear at night with me… Could I ..."

Castle couldn't understand. Why was she hesitating?

He quickly moved to where his clothes were in the drawers and picked out her favorite t-shirt of his, the one she used to love to wear most of her nights here. He took it to her and handed it to her. But he couldn't resist asking

"Why are you asking me? You always wear my clothes to sleep here…"

She wasn't ready to look into his eyes but she replied

"But after what we've been through... I didn't know if you'd be okay with…"

He simply hugged her, real tight.

"No, no babe, nothing's changed. I still want you to sleep with me, I still want you to feel free in my home, in my bedroom, and I still want you to wear my clothes to sleep Kate. I hate that you're hesitant about this, please don't be."

She nodded against him and when he pulled away only to kiss her soft lips, she relaxed.

"I'll be out in a sec okay"

"Take your time. I'll be here" he said with a smile. She kissed him once more before disappearing into the bathroom. Castle ran his hand through his hair, he was smiling. He had missed this feeling for a long time. He changed into his shorts and his black v neck t-shirt and got into bed.

When she came out of the bathroom, drying her hair up, wearing nothing but her underwear and his t-shirt, hanging loosely around her form, not doing justice at all to her amazing figure, yet managing to make her look so homely. So… His. She kept the towel away when she was done drying up her hair and crawled into bed to sit beside him. He put his arm around her and pulled her closer,

"Have I ever told you, you look the best at night?"

"Are you saying that because I wear your clothes?"

"I'm saying that because I get to take off your clothes"

She hit him playfully.

"But seriously, you look especially beautiful at night, with no make-up, no hair styling, no detective mode, and no formal wear. You're just you."

"Who else will I be?"

"Touché" he kissed her "I love you"

"I love you too" she said back to him, and they kissed some more. She felt his hand on her thigh, and then in moved higher, slowly creeping up under the t-shirt, she smiled into the kiss,

"What?" he asked between kisses

She was giggling now, and he moved to lean over her fully, but just then the door flew open and Alexis' voice came through

* * *

><p><strong>Reviews? :) <strong>


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle**

* * *

><p>Chapter 24<p>

_"__I love you too" she said back to him, and they kissed some more. She felt his hand on her thigh, and then in moved higher, slowly creeping up under the t-shirt, she smiled into the kiss,_

_"__What?" he asked between kisses_

_She was giggling now, and he moved to lean over her fully, but just then the door flew open and Alexis' voice came through_

"Hey dad, did you take any of my novels from…?"

"Alexis!" Castle said loudly, startled. He had jumped off of Kate and sat back beside her, Kate had pulled the covers higher over her leg, trying to school her features.

"Oh my God!" Alexis was just as startled, she turned and shut her eyes, and pulled the door back behind her. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!" She was ranting.

Castle was panting. A little out of breath cause of the kiss, and the sudden interruption.

"Alexis, I'm sorry, I forgot to..." he felt guilty for not locking the door.

"No, uhh... I should go..." she said, nervously.

"Did you need something...?"

"Uhh... It's alright... I don't…"

"Alexis, it's alright you can come in" Kate finally said.

Alexis turned back around and from the door itself said

"Dad did you take any of my novels from my shelf" she wasn't ready to look up. And Castle felt horrible.

"Uhh... yea, they're on my desk"

"okay, goodnight you two" she turned to leave.

"Alexis... it's alright. It wasn't your fault" Kate began, knowing the girl was feeling really stupid.

She laughed nervously, and then finally looked up at them.'

"I'm sorry, I should've known. It's just that, I got used to always coming in and checking in on dad, that I completely forgot..."

"It's okay"

"I better get back to my room. Goodnight. See you two in the morning" she smiled and once she left the room

Castle looked at Kate

"You handled that better than I would have"

She laughed

"See, and that's why you need me here" she said with a smug smile

"Don't I know it" he said.

She slid down, adjusting the cover over her, and he was suddenly reminded of something

"Kate... Can I ask you something?"

"You've never needed my permission before" she joked and then turned to face him.

He slid down too, and turned on his side so that he could look at her.

"When I came over to your place last evening, to finally get all of those misunderstandings sorted out, I noticed certain things about you place…"

She looked away, her gaze shifting away from his eyes.

"The bottles, Castle, I admit, I'm weak when it comes to you. Everyone including you knows me as the strong detective, who knew all it would take was a writer to come along and change that" she laughed at herself.'

"The drinking I understand. I did it too. It's the couch that I don't get"

She looked up at him now, trying to read what he was asking. She quickly got up on one elbow and started "No, Castle if you're thinking I had someone over, that's not the case, I was alone, the entire time"

"No, no, that's not what I was thinking"

"Oh" she relaxed, but just a little.

"Kate, were you not sleeping in your room, in your own bed?"

Kate was quiet for a moment.

"I tried sleeping in my bed, but the nightmares were too much, and when I'd wake up and see your side of my bed empty, it would feel like I hadn't woken up from the nightmare yet."

"Kate…"

He reached out, and took her hand. Holding it and rubbing his thumb over her skin.

"I found that sleeping on the couch was better. At least when I woke up from my nightmare, I didn't have to face the space beside me"

She looked at him "I don't want you to feel bad for any of this. I deserved all of it"

Castle didn't seem convinced.

"What nightmares did you have?"

She shifted closer to him, and he let her snuggle in his arms.

"I'd see you lying on the ground at the Amtrak station, your blood all around, your face getting paler"

"The same nightmare all the time?"

"The very same"

"I'm sorry you had to go through that"

"I'm alright now. I don't think I'll be having any of those nightmares anymore"

She kissed over his chest. He smiled.

"If it makes you feel any better, I had nightmares too, the same ones, except, I kept seeing you in my place"

"It doesn't make me feel better to think you had nightmares to accompany your hard recovery"

He laughed. She looked up at him.

"I'm sorry, all of this happened because of me, and I hate that I put you through all of it, I'm just glad we're past that"

"Me too" he said with a wide smile, and slowly leaned over her to make love to her.

An hour later, he was spooning her. Both of their clothes had made it to the floor and he was smiling lazily into her hair, breathing her in. she was all his. And he loved proving it to her every single time.

"Rick?" She said softly.

He kissed in her hair "yea?"

"Is it true that you were going to propose to me?" she sounded so nervous, as if that question had come up after immense thought. How long had she known?

He exhaled deeply, and then waited. He didn't know how this conversation would go. But he needed to tell her. She already knew the half of it. She turned to look at him and saw that he was debating something in his head.

"I'm sorry, I... Espo and Ryan told me... they... I mean... I don't know what they were thinking, I don't know why I believed them, forget I asked" she ranted nervously, and turned back again to face away from him. But his hand pulled away from around her, and she was suddenly worried.

"No... Kate, Listen…"

She heard his shifting away, the sound of the shift in the covers and the sheets, the dip in the bed, telling her he was moving away from her. She shut her eyes tight. 'Why did I bring it up?' she thought to herself.

But that's when she felt him shift again, so she turned and found that he had shifted to his side of the bed to retrieve something from his bedside drawer. That's when she saw the little blue velvet box in his hand.

It was true. She lifted herself a little off the bed and sat up to rest her back against the headboard, pulling the covers up against her front to cover the essentials.

"Rick…" she was staring at the box in his hands. And she realized he was staring at it too.

He finally turned himself to angle himself more towards her and spoke

"Kate I had bought this weeks before DC came up"

"You wanted to…?"

"It had been on my mind for quite a while"

Kate noticed the past tense. The past perfect. 'had'.

* * *

><p><strong>Leave me your views. Hit the review button down here :) You know you want to :)<strong>


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle**

**AN:I wonder if I've managed to bring all my readers' attention back to this story :) let me know in a review what you think, guys :) **

**I'd really love to hear from you :)**

* * *

><p>Chapter 25<p>

Kate noticed the past tense. The past perfect. 'Had'. But she didn't let on.

"Kate, I know for a fact, that after everything that happened, it'll take me a while to reach that place again, but it's inevitable, that I'm going to ask you to marry me one day"

"Is it okay if I tell you now, what my answer is going to be?"

He chuckled.

"No, I want you to surprise me" he joked.

They were quiet for a moment then and he noticed she had her eyes on the little box in his hand.

He smiled. "Kate, would you like to see it?"

She looked up at him "may I?"

he opened the little box, and a rich looking stone, on a ring looked up at her. An engagement ring that looked so beautiful, that no woman would be able to say no to the man, even if they hated the bearer.

She looked back up at him, her words were lost the minute he opened the box.

"Do you like it?" he asked, needing to hear it, after watching her reaction to it.

"Rick.., it's… I... I don't know how to describe how beautiful it is…"

He shut the box immediately.

"That's how I feel about you" he said with a smirk. And she laughed. He looked back down at the little box and said

"I want you to have it. Keep it. But you can't wear it until the day I put it on your finger and officially ask you"

"Okay…" she said, the smile on her face seemed to be pasted there. She couldn't control the happiness she was feeling. She took the box he handed over to her and opened it up to look at the ring again. He watched again, as she sat there admiring the tiny piece of jewelry. And he told himself, he was going to start gifting her stuff again, and he was going to start with jewelry.

She turned to keep the box away, and so he sat back and tried to get settled for bed again, but thats when he saw she hadn't kept it away. She had turned to take something else out from her bedside drawer.

It was the necklace that held her mother's ring, the one she wore every day, the one she had taken off just a while ago. She unhooked the necklace, and took the ring from the tiny blue velvet box and put it there on the necklace, to hang beside her mother's engagement ring. She realized he was watching her intently. So she looked back at him.

"What?"

He raised an eyebrow.

She looked at the necklace and back at him and said

"You never said anything about not wearing it; you just don't want me to wear it on my finger."

"I see" he said with a smirk. And as soon as she had kept it away and turned back to look at him, she was attacked with the most passionate kiss they had ever shared.

Of course she should have expected it. It must have floored him. To know that that ring was important enough to share the same place as her mother's ring.

It wasn't really the ring. It was the thought. The thought of marrying him, it held that much importance to her and that floored him. It overwhelmed him. Almost brought tears to his eyes. But he channeled that emotion, that energy, into making love to this beautiful woman. This woman who made him feel like the luckiest man in the world.

It was morning, and Kate was already up, he noticed. He could hear the sound of the water in the shower. He reached out to find his watch and realized the time. He needed to start the coffee if he wanted her to leave with a good breakfast in her tummy. He quickly got out of bed and made his way to the kitchen and began to get the coffee started. He debated in his head whether to make omelets or pancakes, and finally decided on pancakes.

Kate came out through his study then, all dressed up for work. She looked spectacular and the smile that donned her beautiful lips on seeing him only added to her beauty.

"Hey beautiful, good morning" he said to her.

She rounded the counter and found herself in his arms, greeting him in kind and no words, a soft yet breath taking kiss on his lips that left him wanting more when she pulled away.

"Why'd you wake up so early?" she asked him.

"Wanted to make you a nice cup of coffee and a good batch of pancakes."

Even before she could reply, the loft's two other women made an appearance, walking in at right that moment.

"So we get the bad batches of pancakes?" Martha asked jokingly.

And Alexis' yawn was interrupted with a bout of laughter. They sat themselves down while Castle served the three women pancakes and went about to get them coffee. Kate sat beside them and ate.

But unlike them, she was watching Castle's every move. She couldn't help but admire this side of him. This care- taker in him. He was a brilliant father, an amazing son, and had also become the love of her life.

Just as he put her mug of coffee before her, she took it from him, and for some reason, that slight touch of his skin made her shiver. She looked up to find him smiling at her. She took a sip and she couldn't help that beautiful feeling from taking over. She hadn't realized how much she missed this until this moment. Castle's coffee. It was more than just coffee to her. This was the start of something new for them.

He watched her smile after her first sip. And he had to ask,

"Is it alright?"

And she replied "everything's perfect."

And he knew she wasn't talking about just the coffee. He leaned in and stole a quick kiss.

Sometime during breakfast, Martha suddenly asked,

"So Alexis, where is this weekend's party at? The one you were going on about this past whole month?"

Castle almost choked on his coffee, and Alexis froze.

Kate looked at Castle first and then at Alexis.

"I'm not going to the party"

Martha looked at Rick and then back at Alexis and said "I'm sorry, did I miss something here. Isn't this the one you've been waiting all month for?"

"Alexis…" Kate began to say.

"No, grams, I decided I don't want to go"

"When did you decide that?" Martha asked.

"Yesterday"

"Alexis if…" Kate tried again.

"No... Kate,"

"Alexis I think you should just tell everyone the truth" Rick said.

"Okay, Grams, my initial plan was to party this weekend. But yesterday I had a change of plans. Kate and I are going shopping this weekend."

"Shopping?" Martha asked with an excited smile.

"Yea..."

"Wait a second" , Kate spoke, "Alexis, why didn't you tell me you had other plans?"

"Because I don't"

"It's alright you know, you can go for the party. We can go shopping some other time. I don't want you to feel obligated to spend time with me, I just suggested it cause…"

"No. I know. I'm not doing it as an obligation Kate. I honestly want to go out with you this weekend. In fact I can't wait."

"But you don't have to choose it over a party with friends... I wouldn't want you to do that"

"No Kate, you don't understand. I want to spend time with you. I think we'll have a lot of fun. I can find a party whenever I want one, but spending time with 'family' means more to me than a party."

Martha looked at Castle with an impressed nod. Castle himself was shocked. He didn't know how Kate would feel about Alexis' use of the 'f' word.

Kate was dumbfounded. She was looking at Alexis, but her gaze was suddenly distracted. She looked down at her hands. And in her mind she wondered if she had heard right. Alexis just called her family. It wasn't a farfetched thought. They all treat her like family anyway, but actually hearing it out loud was something else entirely.

She looked back up at the young girl, and in the next moment, she didn't know what made her do it, but she wound her arms around her and hugged her tight.

She felt Alexis smile against her and she smiled too.

"I can't wait for the weekend either" she said to her. And Alexis laughed.

"And maybe sometime in the near future, you and I can go party wild together" Kate assured her.

Castle's face changed at that.

"Wait, what?" he asked.

"Mind if I join you guys then too?" Martha asked

"Of course." Kate said.

"what party are you talking about?" he asked.'

"I can't tell you Castle, it's a kind of party where the ladies go wild"

"Wait, so I'm not invited?"

Alexis and Martha laughed. Kate simply smiled to herself.

"What, you're not going to answer me?"

"I'm not allowed to bully you in front of your daughter, remember?"

She sauntered away after that line, and he looked at the other two women controlling their laughter. He made a face at them and followed after her.

"Kate!" he whined. She picked her bag up from where she had left it near the door, and turned back around to him. That smile on her face, there to torture him.

"What are you so worried about a party?

"It's Alexis that I'm worried about"

"Alexis is a mature young adult. It's me and your mother you should be worried about"" she joked and laughed. But realized he wasn't laughing.

So she put her arms around his neck and kissed him till she felt him relax and put his arms around her too.

"I'm just pulling your leg. Don't get upset about a ladies night out. There's still a lot of time for that to happen. Till then, I want to go out and paint the town with you. So why don't you arrange that for us."

"That I can do" he said with a smile.

"I'll be looking forward to it"

She was inches way from kissing him when her phone rang. It was her dad.

"Give me a sec" she told Castle, his arms still around her, and her arm still on his shoulder.

"Hey dad"

"Yea no…"she looked up at Castle and he wondered what Jim Beckett had asked her

"I'm not at home dad, I'm at Rick's place"

"Yea… I was going to call…"

"We're alright… I think" she said a little unsure. But Castle smiled, letting her know she didn't have to be so unsure.

"I'll come by for dinner tomorrow"

That's when Castle interrupted "call him over, we'll have dinner together." He told her.

"Dad hold on a sec." she said on the phone and then covered the receiver and asked him

"Are you sure? I mean… the last time…"

"Last time was different, we've come a long way…" Kate nodded and then spoke to her dad.

"Dad, Rick's inviting you over for dinner tomorrow",

"Yea, I'd love that too",

"I'll see you tomorrow okay, Bye."

She disconnected the call and then wound her arms around his shoulders again.

"You sure about this?"

"I am. I think it'll be fun" he said.

"Okay" she said. "I got to go now, if you need me to get anything in the evening let me know"

"Just come home safely."

"I will" she smiled.

He kissed her and said "I love you"

"I love you too" she whispered at his lips and then left for work.


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle**

* * *

><p>Chapter 26<p>

It was Friday evening, and Kate was helping Rick with dinner preparations. She seemed on edge. Nervous. So when Martha and Alexis weren't looking, he took her hand in his.

"What are thinking about?"

"Nothing, it's stupid"

"Tell me"

"Rick… we fought a lot the last time this happened"

"It's not going to be that way this time, I promise"

She nodded, and when she saw him smile, she felt alright.

Jim arrived soon enough and Kate greeted him with a hug.

"Great to see you smiling again Katie" he said to her and she grinned.

He then greeted Castle with a handshake and a hug and said

"I was afraid I'd never see her this happy again, honestly, I'm glad we could do this again"

"I'm glad too. It's good to see you Jim" he told him.

Since it was already time for dinner, they all seated themselves at the table and began to eat together.

The evening went on beautifully, unlike the last time, Jim and Martha got a long pretty well, and it made Kate feel good. Rick reached out to hold her hand on the table, and she looked at him for a moment, he seemed relaxed, like it was all just so normal. And so she went with it. Jim saw it too, and he felt sure now, his daughter would be alright.

"Rick, Kate told me that she's leaving you alone this weekend" Jim stated.

"Yea, she's taking all my girls out" he said, his face showing his disappointment. Kate laughed.

"Well, I can get us tickets to a baseball game if you'd join me"

"I'd like that, yea" he said.

He looked at Kate and she nodded at him.

"Yea, why should they have all the fun?" he mocked.

"I'm too used to this." Jim continued. "Katie and her mom used to love to go shopping, I never saw the appeal, so I would enjoy some baseball while they were out."

Rick stole a glance towards Kate at the mention of her mom, just to check on her, she seemed alright. She knew he was looking, so she squeezed his hand, to let him know she was okay. He smiled.

"Kate, you never tell us about your mom, I'd like to hear about her." Alexis asked all of a sudden.

Kate now grew uncomfortable. Well not uncomfortable, but it had been a while since she had allowed herself to recollect all those beautiful memories, so it caught her by surprise that everyone at the table was suddenly wanting to hear her talk about her mom.

Rick came to the rescue "uhhh… I think hearing about Kate and her mom from Jim would be more interesting. The father of the house always has the best stories to tell."

Kate felt the weight lift off her shoulders. She didn't know why, but she felt cornered and pressured and wasn't ready. But if Alexis wanted to hear from her, she'd give her that, just not right now.

"Okie, how about I tell you about the time Katie wanted to get a tattoo?"

"Kate, you have a tattoo?" Alexis asked excitedly!

Kate was about to say something but Jim continued.

"Oh, she wanted one, real bad. She begged her mom and me to let her do it, but we said nothing doing, inking your skin is a big deal. We never let her do it."

"oh" Alexis said, looking a little disappointed.

Kate relaxed. But then she felt Castle's confusion.

"But…" Castle began to say, and she kicked him under the table. He almost yelled out loud. Almost, but he held it in. He eyed her and she just looked at him with disapproving eyes. And that's when he concluded. Her dad had no idea.

He had no clue. Kate 'did' have a tattoo. A beautiful blue butterfly just above her right hip bone. Castle knew it all too well. It was one of the spots on Kate's body he loved to tease while making love to her. And something in him felt overly proud to think that he was the only one who knew about that secret.

He smiled to himself. Even her dad had no clue. And he listened on as Jim told a funny story of young, wild- child Katie arguing with her parents about why she needed to get a tattoo.

Martha had quite a few stories to tell too, most of which, Rick didn't want his daughter knowing, but Kate seemed to be rather intrigued and hearing her laughter was music to his ears, even if it was at his expense.

So he didn't mind one bit. He watched Kate all night, she was a sight for sore eyes, actually, she was sight that would cure any illness. She was beautiful and she was his. And she wore his ring… metaphorically.

'The time will come… soon.' He thought to himself.

After dinner, they all sat around in the living room for a while, finishing up with the remainder of their stories, until it got late and Jim had to leave. He bid farewell to Alexis and Martha and then Rick and Kate walked him to the door.

"Thank you for having me over Rick. I enjoyed myself tonight"

"It was a pleasure having you Jim. Get used to it. We'll be doing this often"

"I hope so" he shook his hand and then Jim turned to give his daughter a hug

"Good night Katie, I'll talk to you soon" he said to her.

"Good night dad, drive safely. Thanks for coming tonight"

"You're looking good Katie. Better than the past few weeks"

"I'm feeling good too dad" she stole a glance in Rick's direction then and Rick smiled proudly.

"You two take care then, good bye" he said and left with a smile.

An hour later, Alexis and Martha had gone up to their rooms, and Kate and Rick were alone in the kitchen, just cleaning up.

The house was pretty silent save for the sound of the dishes she was keeping away, and just when she put the last one away and turned to see if he was done wiping the kitchen top, she saw him browsing through his phone, and suddenly, he put it down with a smile, and a soft tune began to play from it. She recognized the song to be 'Tennessee Waltz' and she smiled. She used to love that song.

She watched him, the way he walked towards her and held his hand out, she looked at his hand for a moment and then up at his beautiful face.

"Dance with me?" he said.

she chuckled and placed her hand in his. He pulled her close to him, and they slowly swayed to the music. To anyone else, this would seem so silly- dancing in the kitchen to the soft music playing out of your iPhone.

But to Kate, this moment was so beautiful. She felt overwhelmed. It was these little things he did that only made her love him more.

"I've always wanted to dance with someone in my kitchen" he said.

"It's true, I just never had the right woman. Until now."

It warmed her heart. His words. He always knew just the right things to say.

She wanted to say something, but her words would ruin the moment. So she leaned in closer to his face, and softly kissed his cheek, her lips slowly placing soft kisses, a trail along his jaw line, "I love you" she whispered into his ear, and softly nibbled on his ear.

He smiled. Kate fit perfectly in his arms, and he wanted to stay this way with her forever. She kept her cheek to his, continuing to sway with him to the music.

And then she spoke

"You were staring at me throughout dinner. I caught you so many times."

He chuckled and she could feel his laughter vibrate through his chest cause of their proximity.

"You try sitting across from a woman as beautiful as you, you'd have a hard time keeping your gaze off of her too"

she laughed, and kissed that spot on his neck that was ever so sensitive. He hummed his appreciation.

"You're dad doesn't know about the tattoo?"

"Nope" she laughed. "I was a rebel then. I wanted to do everything they told me not to. So I went out with my friends one night and got inked"

"I'd like to think I'm the only one who knows your secret, but I know three guys among the many boyfriends you've had before me, and I'm sure they're in on it too"

She laughed and shook her head no against him.

"I never let any of them pay much attention to my tattoo Rick. You're the only one with that privilege"

At that, he backed away a little to look at her, and she had this sincere smile on her face. He then looked down, and reached down to lift her top a little, until he could see the top part of the butterfly's wing, peeking out from the low waistline of her jeans, and with his thumb, he softly smoothed over it, and she closed her eyes and concentrated on his touch.

"Tell me it's secret" he said.

"What do you mean?"

"Why'd you pick a blue butterfly?"

* * *

><p><strong>How's about you hit the 'Review' button down here, and tell me what you think? :) <strong>


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle**

* * *

><p>Chapter 27<p>

She laughed then, he realized she had recalled a memory from the past.

"What is it? Come on tell me"

He backed her up to the kitchen counter and then lifted her up with ease to sit there. And he stood between her legs.

"Okay so, when I was young, I used to spend a lot of my time watching my mom. And I noticed, every time she went out, or if she had to get all dressed up for anything, she would put on this one necklace. The pendant was a blue butterfly.

Castle it was the most beautiful little pendant I've ever seen. Till date I haven't come across anything that beautiful.

She told me that dad had gifted it to her on their first wedding anniversary. I always wanted to wear it, but I knew it was something special to her, so I couldn't just take it. So I decided I wanted to have it inked on me. The design on my hip is the exact same look of that pendant."

"What happened to the necklace? Where is it?" Rick asked.

"I don't know what happened to the pendant. After she was found murdered, everything just happened so fast, later when I checked among her things, it wasn't there. Then I thought maybe dad kept it, and I didn't want to ask him for it then. I felt he needed to keep it."

Rick was quiet for a moment. He then took her hand in his, kissed it softly and said "thank you for telling me that, for letting me in on that secret"

She leaned in and kissed him, and what started off slow suddenly took on its own life. Her hands began to unbutton his shirt. His hand that was on her hip, lightly tracing the place where her tattoo was under those jeans, had now climbed up her side to slowly graze over the side of her chest, and it sent shivers down her spine.

They had had a lovely evening, and the small glances, touches and stolen moments they had shared had all built an anticipation in them so strong that they couldn't keep their hands off each other any longer.

When she was done with all the buttons, her hands flew to his belt, and opened it. All the while, her lips were still in control of his, she was so good at this, so good at being able to concentrate on so many things at once, he on the other hand wasn't so good at multitasking. At least not when it came to this kind of situation.

He could feel Kate's hands working down his shirt buttons, and when her fingers reached his belt, he could feel her hands so close to where he needed her to be. He couldn't take it anymore. She had flicked the button of his jeans open and her finger was already on the zip, immediately, he caught her hands and brought them up to his chest.

"Let's take this to my bed, shall we" he said in between kisses. And just like that, she wound her legs around his waist, and he carried her to his bedroom. Tonight was going to be one of those memorable nights.

* * *

><p>It was Saturday morning and Alexis and Kate had just left the building and were on their way to find some new outfits for themselves.<p>

"So, you think dad will survive without us for a day?"

Kate laughed at that "That's left to be seen, my dad will keep him busy, don't worry"

"Oh I'm not worried. In fact, I'm kind of excited"

"Me too" Kate admitted. And the two young women walked on together. They stopped at many shops, just trying on stuff they liked. Alexis found that she was having a lot of fun. Kate had a great sense of style and was helping her choose some really cool outfits. In turn, she was taking Alexis' opinion on the clothes she was trying out too, and it made Alexis feel… good.

They must have spent a fortune by the time they left the fifth shop, but really, they didn't care. It had been quite a while since they last shopped, and they were having too much fun to stop now.

"You know, I'm feeling like we're forgetting something." Alexis said while they walked down the street.

"Like what?" Kate asked.

"I don't know… Something that'll make this day feel complete"

Kate smiled. "Shoes!"

And a grin appeared on Alexis' face.

"It's like you read my mind" she said.

And they walked on forward with more purpose, both knowing just the right shop they needed to be at. On their way there, Kate suddenly felt she owed Alexis a little look into her own relationship with her mom, so she began with something to do with what they were doing right now.

"You know, when I was a teen, I did a lot of crazy stuff."

"Yea, I heard some of it."

Kate laughed. "You don't know the half of it. I used to get yelled at all the time by my mom and dad. But eventually, my mom hated to see me upset, so she'd take me shopping. You know what she used to say?"

"What?"

"A new pair of shoes is the answer to a bad day."

Alexis laughed, amused, "Really?" she asked.

"Yea, but she didn't want to make it a habit, but every once in a while, we'd have a girls day out and we'd go buy ourselves a new pair of heels."

"What is it about high heeled shoes that women go so crazy about though?" Alexis asked.

Kate laughed. "I don't know about you, but they make me feel empowered. That's why it always worked on days when I felt down."

"That makes sense" Alexis said. "And I'm sure it doesn't hurt that you can tower over men and intimidate them"

"I do not!" Kate defended with laughter in her tone.

"Yes you do, my dad for example, okay so he's a little taller than you, but that doesn't mean he's less intimidated"

"You're right, I do have him wrapped around my finger" Kate agreed with the young girl.

"Anyone can see it" Alexis said.

They had just entered the shop and a sales lady came up to help them.

Kate spoke to her

"We're here to get ourselves some empowering high heeled shoes" she said with a grin, and Alexis laughed. The lady fully understood.

A few minutes later, Alexis was trying on these red heels and walking around to see how she feels in them.

"Do they make you feel good?"

"As a matter of fact, they do"

"Then that's the one!" Kate said.

"I guess it is" and she walked about proudly.

"They work, I feel completely intimidated" she told Alexis.

"Oh shut up!" the young girl chuckled.

"We'll take these" she told the sales lady.

"I wonder what dad's reaction will be when he sees you in those heels you bought."

"Oh he'll be surprised alright, but not today"

"You're not showing him today?"

"Nope, not today. Maybe tonight." And a mischievous yet sly smile came upon her lips.

"Oh man, I did not need to hear that"

Kate bumped her lightly and laughed. "Shut up!"

They left the shop after having paid and their hands were already full with bags.

"Your mom was right. A new pair of shoes always does the trick. I'm suddenly feeling complete"

Kate laughed.

"Want to grab something to eat before we go home?" Kate asked

"yea sure" she replied.

They walked ahead and on their way, Alexis stopped to look into a store's display. Kate had walked ahead not realizing she had stopped and on realizing she wasn't with her, looked behind to find Alexis gazing at a display. She walked back to see what had caught her attention. And her breath caught when she saw the beautiful white gowns the mannequins sported.

"I just love wedding dresses" she said. Kate looked at her and saw that dreamy look on her face.

"Want to go in and take a look?" She asked Alexis.

Alexis looked at her "wouldn't that be weird?"

"Why should it be, we're just two young women, browsing through a collection of dresses, what's weird about that?"

Alexis looked so excited. She caught hold of Kate's hand and said "let's go" and they walked in. Alexis had no idea that Kate wasn't as excited as her.

When they were in, a sales lady approached them and asked "so, which one of you is the lucky one?"

Alexis laughed "Oh no, we're just looking around."

"Sure, let me know if you're searching for something in particular."

Alexis nodded and then began looking through all of the dresses. Kate found herself looking around too. She couldn't help the emotions running through her head though. She would have been that lucky one, had she not screwed up her relationship so bad. She tried to console herself. The day would come… soon... Hopefully.

Alexis had made her way to the other side of the store, where a young woman was standing on that little platform, having tried on her dress, and the sales lady was helping her get it fitted perfectly. She watched from where she was, the young lady was here with her mom. They looked so happy.

Alexis suddenly felt Kate's presence beside her, and she too was watching the exchange between the mother and daughter there.

But unlike Alexis, nothing about it made her smile. In fact, she turned around quickly and began looking through some other dresses there. And that's when Alexis realized. She felt bad for bringing Kate in here.

"Kate, I'm hungry. Let's go." She said softly to her. And Kate nodded with a smile and they left. While walking towards the nearest restaurant, Alexis said "Kate, I'm sorry"

Kate looked up at her "what are you talking about Alexis?"

"I didn't realize... You must miss your mom greatly after seeing…"

"I'm alright"

"No, I know you're not, every girl wants her mom to be there when she's picking out her wedding dress, and I can't imagine what you feel like"

"It's alright Alexis, there's no ring on my finger as of now. So don't you worry about me, I'll be fine"

Kate squeezed her hand in reassurance and then continued walking ahead.

Alexis caught up with her and stopped in front of her.

"There's something I need to tell you" she said

"What is it?" Kate asked with a smile.

"I don't know when my dad is going to propose to you, but it's no secret he will everyone knows that"

Kate laughed.

"When I get married Kate, I want you to be the one to help me pick out my dress."

"Alexis… that's…" she stammered. A little taken aback with what Alexis was asking of her. "That's for your mom…"

"No one's ever been as much a mom to me as you have. So no. I don't want Meredith there. I want you. And if you'd let me, I'd like to help you pick out your wedding dress too. I know no one can take your mom's place, but you can be the first bride to have a daughter to do the same."

Kate couldn't believe what she was hearing. This young girl had managed to take her breath away. What? Was it a thing with these Castles?

Kate found her eyes getting moist. She simply put her arms around Alexis and hugged her.

"I'd like that very much Alexis, thank you" she said. "And yes, if you want me to help you pick out your dress, I wouldn't miss it for the world"

Alexis hugged her tighter. And when they pulled away to walk on again, Alexis said

"Now I just wish dad would man up already and pop the question"

Kate laughed out loud. They were having a wonderful day out.

What she thought was going to be a great friends day out, was turning into something like the mother- daughter outings she used to share with her mom. Only this time, her role was different.

* * *

><p><strong>I know, this chapter had no 'Caskett', but did you like it nevertheless? what did you think of their little shopping escapade?<strong>

**Review please :)**


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle**

**AN: Well, you guys get an extra update today :) hope you like it :) Don't forget to leave me your reviews :) **

* * *

><p>Chapter 28<p>

It was evening by the time Kate and Alexis walked in through the door, only to find Castle and Jim Beckett sitting on the couch, heavily engrossed in some video game. Rick was almost at the edge of his seat, concentrating so hard, and then suddenly, Jim made one simple move and 'Game over' sounded through the loft.

Jim Beckett laughed, and Rick cursed under his breath. Kate and Alexis just watched from where they were. Kate had an amused look on her face.

"Where did you learn to do that?" he asked Jim.

"Oh Rick, I used to be good at every single one of these games, although, they weren't as advanced as these newer ones, but looks like I haven't lost my touch"

"Touch? You won three games in a row!"

Alexis laughed aloud now, and the men both realized that the girls were home.

"You beat dad? WOW! Now that's something!" she said to Jim

Jim smiled proudly. Kate walked on over and sat beside him.

"How was the game? What time did you guys get back?" she asked.

"Oh we had some good fun. Rick here insisted that he pay for the ticketsand we got quite a good view, although, he won't tell me how much those seats cost."

Rick looked at Kate "It's the least I could do for him, he was keeping me entertained while my women chose to leave me all alone."

Kate had to laugh out loud at that "Come on Castle, it was just a few hours, we're here now."

Alexis spoke "Uhhh... Not me. Dad, I just got a message from Kayla, she didn't go for the party either, so I think we might just hang out this evening"

"See!" Rick pretended to be hurt.

"Oh will you relax, you big baby, I'm not going anywhere, I'll keep you entertained. We could all watch a movie or something" Kate told him, and he had to smile at that.

"Well, I better get going too. Some of my old friends from work are coming over." Jim Beckett said, as he rose from his seat.

Kate and Rick walked him to the door.

"Thanks for today, Rick" he said.

"I should thank you." He replied, and then they shared a good hug.

Rick had to add, "Jim, I was thinking, would you like to join me for poker sometime."

"Yea, I'd actually like that." And then he added "Another chance to beat you at something, I think it'll be fun"

"Do you Beckett's love to wound me?" Rick joked and Kate hit him playfully. But then added

"Dad, it won't be that easy, Rick's a king at his poker table. If anything, you'll win a chance to meet his poker buddies."

"Well, I'll be looking forward to it. Just let me know when."

"I will." He said

Kate smiled, she liked that Rick wanted her dad around.

"Good bye Katie, I'll call you soon" her dad said to her.

"Bye dad, I'm glad you had a good time today"

She gave him a tight hug and then he left.

Alexis had, by then, taken her shopping bags up to her room, freshened up and come back downstairs.

"I think I'll be sleeping over at Kayla's place tonight dad."

"Yea yea, just leave me here" he whined.

Kate laughed at him "Rick, will you stop it."

Alexis came up to her dad and placed a kiss on his cheek. "I'll be back tomorrow, don't worry" and flew out the door.

The house was silent now. Rick looked at Kate and said "wine?"

"Yea, I'd like that" she sat herself down on the couch, and he joined her soon after with two glasses of wine in hand.

She took her first sip and closed her eyes to enjoy that warm liquid on her tongue, slowly warming her senses.

When she opened her eyes, he was sitting beside her, watching her, his own glass of wine in hand.

"So Castle, did my dad bully you too much?"

"Oh yea, he did. So I told him about your tattoo, he was really quiet after that"

Kate almost choked on her sip of wine, her eyes widened in fear and she looked at him "you did what?"

"I'm kidding" he said and he burst out laughing. She hit his chest playfully.

"Don't do that!" she whined

"Why not, the look on your face was priceless!" Kate blushed now. He was incorrigible

"No but seriously. We had a good day."

They were silent for a moment, until Kate placed her hand on his and said

"My dad usually spends most of his time alone, and rarely ever goes out. So thank you, for today, and for inviting him to come for one of your poker nights too. He looked like he was rather glad today."

"Kate, you don't have to thank me. I realized today I like being among you Becketts" he said with a wink. She laughed.

He then took her hand in his and she knew he had something on his mind.

"Kate, on our way back in the car, I was thinking and then I knew I just had to ask him…"

"What?"

"I asked your dad about how you coped when I… when I told you to stay away"

"Rick…"

"Initially he didn't want to tell me, but I insisted... And Kate…"

"Listen Rick…"

"No, I feel really bad. He said you would cry for hours together, and drink your pain away, and I couldn't help but feel so ashamed in front of him. I apologized to him too."

"Rick... You didn't have to do that"

"He told me that too. He said it wasn't my fault, but I can't help but feel a tiny bit responsible."

"You know all too well Rick, this wasn't your fault. You did what was right for you at the time, and the pain I bore was well-deserved."

"But the thought of you in such pain, the thought of you crying, I can't bring myself to imagine that without feeling horrible."

"No! Rick! Don't, don't you dare make this about you. I was the one who made the mistake, I was the one who treated you like crap, so no, if I cried for my mistakes, I deserved all that pain." He lifted her hand and brought it to his lips.

"I don't believe you deserve any pain in this world, I may have thought it then, in all my rage, but I don't now, not anymore. I've got too much at stake. I just love you too much. and I promise you Kate, from this day on. I will keep you away from any and all heart ache."

She smiled, her eyes getting moist.

"I told your dad that too." he continued, I told him, that I'm madly in love with his daughter, and I'd do anything to never let her feel that broken ever again"

Kate had to wipe away the tears forming in her eyes. She chuckled and asked,

"What did he say to that?"

"He said he never liked the guys you dated before me, especially that 'doctor, motorcycle guy'" Rick said, raising his fingers to air-quote, "and I told him I felt the same."

Kate laughed out loud at that.

"He also told me, he hoped that you and I would have a relationship as strong as his and Johanna's"

Kate smiled. She looked down at their joined hands. He didn't want to get her sad, to have her think about her mother right now, so he changed the subject.

But enough about my day, tell me about your day with my daughter."


	29. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle**

**AN: The end of this chapter, the part after the page- break is a little M- rated :) Just a warning.**

* * *

><p>Chapter 29<p>

Kate now took the opportunity to tease him a little.

"Alexis and I bought a lot of stuff today"

"Oh, that's pretty obvious" he said, putting his glass down on the table and looking at Kate's bags, the ones she had placed beside the couch when she had entered. He leaned over to look at what's in them, but Kate moved quickly, and snatched the bag he was reaching into.

"Hey!"

"You aren't allowed to see what's in that bag" she said with a naughty smile on her face.

"Why not?"

'Because... It's a surprise."

"For me?" he looked so excited.

She didn't answer, simply stood up, collected the other bags in her hands and walked past him, he picked up both their glasses and followed her.

"Come on Kate! Tell me!"

"You'll know eventually Castle"

"When?"

He followed her into his study and past the wall of books, into his bedroom. She kept the bags near the few clothes she had carried along with her when she came over, in the closet.

She smiled to herself, he couldn't see her face. "Soon" she whispered only to herself and then turned around to take her glass from him.

"Oh I almost forgot, Alexis and I went to look at wedding dresses today, she told me she wants me to help her pick out her wedding dress"

"Alexis wants a wedding dress?!" he yelled in shock. His eyes wide with panic.

Kate just looked on at him for a moment. And then she couldn't hold it in any longer, she burst out laughing, needing to hold his shoulder for support because she was out of breath laughing so hard.

"That was so not funny Kate" he said to her.

"Oh but it was."

She then held his hand and led him back out to the living room, and sat close to him on the couch. He put an arm around her and she cuddled closer. Her head still feeling light after that bought of laughter.

"You almost gave me a heart attack."

"Alexis is still my baby. She's not going to get married anytime soon"

Kate laughed.

"Well, she may still be a little girl in your eyes, but today I saw a young woman, smart and mature. She's really something."

"She's my girl after all" he said proudly.

"I had a good time with her today, it went better than I thought it would, and surprisingly, I didn't feel like holding back from her, we spoke a lot, I even told her a lot about my mom and she was just so eager to know more"

"It's no secret she admires you Kate. She probably even see's you as a mother- figure in her life"

"Yea I saw that today. I was going for friend, but she just skipped those levels in between."

He laughed.

"What I said was true though," she continued, "Alexis told me she wants me to help her pick out a wedding dress, when she does decide to get married."

"I wouldn't want anyone else for her." he said.

She looked up at him with a smile and then kissed his cheek. She was done with her wine and so was he, so she placed both their glasses on the table in front of them and then resumed her place tucked into his side.

"What led you guys into a wedding store?"

"Oh, we were just passing by and she got excited to see all those beautiful dresses, so I told her we could go in if she wanted" Kate was quiet then, and he had to ask

"What about you? Did you like any of the dresses there?"

She chuckled. "Rick, every woman has a vision of what she wants to look like on her wedding day."

"Tell me what you have in mind"

She looked up at him then, taken by surprise that he suddenly wanted to talk about her wedding dress.

"I thought you said you aren't ready to talk about marriage yet."

He smiled. "I need a little time to be able to trust you fully again, but that doesn't mean I don't have dreams of the day we tie the knot."

Warmth spread throughout her body at his words. He really wanted it, he wanted to be married to her and he wanted to talk about wedding gowns and he was looking at her with so much love right now, that she was feeling too over whelmed. She reached up to touch his cheek and her gaze shifted to his lips.

His hand came up to hold hers and he placed a soft kiss on her palm. She watched him with a sweet smile. And she couldn't resist anymore, she leaned in and stole a soft kiss from his lips, it was slow, and sweet and it made him want more. When she had pulled away, his eyes were still closed.

"I'd rather you see my dress on our wedding day itself."

He opened his eyes then and smiled mischievously. "You love surprising me, don't you?"

She laughed.

"Speaking of surprises, Alexis is out tonight, my mother's gone off to the Hamptons for the weekend with an old friend, that means you and I have the loft to ourselves."

Kate looked around they really did have the loft to themselves. She bit down on her lip. And then looked back at him. His eyes had darkened, blue turning into a dark night sky. The way he was looking at her lips, like they were his prey.

* * *

><p>She lost control, one minute she was sitting beside him, the next she was on him, straddling his hips, her hands skillfully opening up the buttons of his shirt.<p>

His hands were tugging her top off of her, and she had to move her hands away from his shirt for him to take her top off. She ground her hips down on him, and he groaned, his arousal, becoming all too evident through his jeans, he was staring at her beautiful breasts, tucked in that blue lace bra she was wearing.

His hands were roaming her creamy skin, her waist, her back, and as soon as she had all of his buttons opened she pushed the shirt off his shoulders and he leaned forward to kiss her chest, to kiss along the line of her bra cups, she tossed her head back, her hand grabbing a fistful of hair at the back of his head. His hands wandered up her back and from her shoulders he pulled the straps down, and skillfully, with one swift move of his fingers he unhooked her bra from behind. She let it fall, and then threw it behind the couch, he had gotten rid of his shirt now too.

His lips and tongue were doing torturous things to her breasts, she couldn't stop the way her body was responding to him, to the bulge in his jeans, the one she was grinding down against so shamelessly, She couldn't help those sinful sounds leaving her lips with every flick of his tongue against her hardening pink buds, or with every soft squeeze his palm gave her

"Oh Rick….."she moaned and he groaned wildly in response, he was making love to her breasts and it was turning her on so much, she reached down between them to find him, she unbuttoned his jeans and slowly pulled the zip down, he bucked his hips, couldn't help it, he was just as hungry for her. She reached into his boxers and found him, hard and ready for her.

A deep, growl left his lips when he felt her touch him and she used that distraction to find his lips, she kissed him, pressing her breasts up to his hot, bare, broad chest, and his hands cupped her ass, squeezing her cheeks. She moaned into his kiss, he was wild and hungry and he was ready to take her, she was stroking him, stroking his already enlarged member. He couldn't take the teasing anymore, in a swift move, he laid her down on the couch and pulled her jeans off, taking his time to admire this naked beauty in front of him.

"Rick… I'm ready..."

"I think I can see very clearly how ready you are for me Kate" he said, while staring at that beautiful soaked underwear she was wearing.

He was just about to take it off, when she stopped him,

"Not here, let's go to the bedroom. I want to show you something."

And he knew she had something in mind. It probably had something to do with that bag she hid in the closet. He wiggled his eyebrows at her

"Time for my surprise" he stated in a sing song manner and she laughed as he picked her up in his arms and took her to his room

Minutes later, his room was filled with whimpers and groans, growls and moans, skin slapped against skin, and his bed dipped and rose alternately, her hand fisted his hair, then the sheets, his hips between her legs moved hungrily, just as hungrily as his lips on her lips and her neck, and her chest.

His name was a prayer on her lips when she came, hard and fast under him, around him, her toes curled in those red 'fuck me' stilettos she had brought this afternoon. They were hooked around his naked frame while he emptied into her.

She smiled as he lay spent over her, she'd always wondered whether he had a thing for women wearing nothing but high heels, she was right, he did.

* * *

><p><strong>I gave you an extra update, how about you leave me a review. :) <strong>

**I know you have something to say. :) **


End file.
